So true to my word I'm trying hard to write more often. I had a pretty shitty weekend overall. Went to the family reunion on saturday. It was an ok time. I got pretty drunk bt ended up home in bed by 11 yet again. Most of my cousins have small children so we drank early and finished early as welll. My mom owned the horse shoe tournament as per usual. Kinda missed having stefan there though. Not the same without him, but we all know that was for the best. Sunday again I sat home most of the day and went to a movie with Jason, Kayla and that guy last night. we saw wedding crashers. It was ok. I wasn't overly impressed but it was pretty funny.
So in other news I was reading Aarons BK journal last night and he was talking about al these old memories he had of growing up in the Goulds and it got me to thinking about some of the ones that I have. Remember all of those summer nights we spent on the sidewalk on Boland St? Watching Chubbs and Dennis skateboard. Having those crazy assed run ins with the "grade 8's"
How about selling shells on the side of the road. Me and ash used to do that for hours on end. How about all those nights spent in the park right after me and stefan started dating "stop making babies!" chilling out on the monkey bars just watching starts and being young *sigh* I miss those days, I miss not having to worry about paper work, or GPA's or finals exams and STI's. Life was so freaking simple, back when a month in a relationship was forever and making out meant you got with someone. I really wish we could just all get together for one night of just absolute foolishness. forget about work and school and relationships or lack there of. I'm only 20 and I already miss my youth. I grew up way too fast for my liking. Thats what i get for jumping into things that no 15 year old is ready for I suppose. Not that I would ever change my past, not for a million dollars, its just the curse of what ifs.
I was talking to Stefan last night and he was completely right in saying I haven't been myself in a long time. I really have no idea why i've been acting the way I have been. I don't really have an excuse. I'm just, I have no idea. Its not depressed because i'm still happy. its just I don't know who I am anymore because "me" as the happy person with lots of friends out having a good time feeling good about herself has always included another person, and now for the first time since I found that "me" I don't have another person to share it with. Its strange and unusual and I still haven't found a way to do it properly after 6 months. Its really hard. But like i've said before. I'll do it. I'm strong and now i just have to work on the independant part. I'll be ok. I always am.
Anyhoo I have a meeting to get ready for. People to see events to organize and gosh and golly gee I hope some more paper work to do. Goodnight people. And don't forget to comment. I've been feeling neglected.
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