Summer Review

Its been a very interesting summer to say the least. Not exciting per say, but very eye opening in the sense that I survived. My fist summer totally and completely alone.. and I lived. I'm not saying it was easy. It was a huge adjustment for me. This summer was just overall completely different from anything I've ever had to do. Its just that everything changed. Everything was just slightly different enough to throw me off course there for awhile. I got a promotion, which was amazing but also a lot of hard work. People really misunderstood my roll that I had there and it made communication difficult so it seems. However, as far as my job goes I was very please with how my summer went. Hightlights from work include:
- The treasure hunt (haha come on guys it wasn't that bad)
- Day Camp Idol
- Green Koolaid
- Kangaroo Kourt
- Hunting the mess fairy
- Solving the case of the misaimed pee
- Johnny hehe
- Wasting lots of time at salmoneir nature park
- Janie's party
- Dickie being such a good sport ( I love you kiddo)
- Cleaning poop haha
- Tent city and the sighting of the sasquatch
- Not being PJ! haha sorry buddy!

And those are just some of them. I really do honestly and truthfully love my job :)

So on the non-work related end of the summer things were a lil different. Yeah I admit it. I was unhappy. My only saviours were really my girls and rehersing for The Birdcage *coughplugcough*. Sunday nights were always amazing. There is nothing I would not do for my girls. You are honestly the best thing I have in my life, and sometimes my only reason I feel at the time to get up in the morning. You make life worth it. I know I've said it a hundred times, but it was so hard for me to come home and not hear someone say "I've missed you, did you have a nice day" and kiss me. Being loved is something I really miss. And i will never deny that. But I realized tonight when thinking about writing this blog that I'm going to be 20 in two months (from yesterday btw hehe) I need to stop my whining and bitching. Yes ok, I can't have who I want. That isn't the end of the world. I'm distracting myself so much with what I can't have that I'm probably missing a whole bunch of great things that I could have. And it really breaks my heart to admit I'm really ready to move on now. I feel guilty about it. I do. But this summer has made me realize that I'm worth it. And it was his loss (yes I know you're reading this and I am sober this time) So yes it kills me, and yes it still hurts every single day. But I don't need that. I'm missing too much. I'm going to move on. Slowly. I really don't want to rush anything. But 20 is when people start to calm down. Start seriously becoming who you are going to be for the rest of your life. I don't need that extra stress in my life. I don't need the uncertainty of it all. I don't need second guessing. I need stability. I'm not going to run from anything that scares me anymore. Thats what cowards do. Jimmy told me a long time ago to seize life with both hands, and picture myself as a cup and love as water. If you just pour the water around you're left with an empty cup. You have to fill the cup and let it over flow first. And it took me 4 years to get what he meant for real. But Jimmy this summer put into action what you tried to teach me on the rooftop that night. It takes a small person to make someone feel small. No matter what they do. So I survived my summer alone. And its time for me to get my life back in order. Back to school. Back to life. Back to everything thats normal. I'm already gone.

Peace and Blessings!