I know itys a bit early to do this with a week left to the year but i figure most of the next week i'll be busy and i shant have time to reveiw my year for my loyal readers :)

The easies way for me to do this is in seasons.

This year started out rather drearily. I spent New years home alone as i had broken up with stefan at the time and i spent time at a party full of couples. the breakup, however only lasted a few days and we got back together. I continued going to Mun but decided half way through my winter semester i didn't want to go back and that i was going to apply for a school in BC to do a communications degree.

In the spring I got a job working at my old high school as a tutor. Definatly a fun job. I got paid for doing a whole lot of nothing. it was quite fun. The end of the spring i also broke up with stefan for a second and final time. after three years of going out it was finally over. it was sad but we both know it was best. I also started hanging out with Sean at this point because i had been tutoring him at school.

This lil piece of writing best describes my summer so i just decided to quote this from my journal
One would say , on the outside looking in : Rhonda you lead a pretty screwed up life. And in most cases its true. I broke up with my b/f of three years to persue things i thought were beyond my grasp with him. I've decided on a whim that i would quit going to school here in my home province to aquire a degree i know very little about in a province where i barely know a soul and use my spare time hanging out with a guy whom i totally dig but really doesn't care about my existence when i'm not around. Yeah i can see how from the outside that would look strange. But oddly enough i am perfectly happy. For the first time , in a long time, i feel like i am in control of my own destiny. I am thinking and acting solely for myself. I know that sounds selfish , but for me its a rare occurance. I find myself constantly smiling about nothing and have discovered a new confidence i didn't even know i pocessed.However being completely taken for granted by this guy that I obviously have interest in does damper my mood every now and then. Sure from the outside looking in I do live a pretty screwed up life. But from the inside looking out i see a bright future ahead of me and a strong force pushing me to succeed.

Then in the fall i turned 19 while my parents were in Panama. Dear God i am lucky i only have one 19th birthday. Three day hangovers are not fun. In November i found out i wouldn't be attending school like i had planned.. but god opened a window and i met Ricardo :) I've spent the last month in the greatest relationship with the most wonderful guy in the whole world. someone who loves me and appreciates me. Something i didn't think could happen again... So even though the year started off pretty crappy its gradually gotten better and now i'm happier than i have been all year long. So Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you and Yours loyal readers. Thank you for being my friends, my family and my pick me ups in 2004 and i look forward to 2005 with my awesome friends and wonderful boyfriend.

**EDIT** I also worked with Erin this summer and it was hot! we talked about Sex.. A LOT! ( Happy Erin? LOL)

Peace and Blessings!

(don't drink and drive!!)

In response

Ok seems i have lost the comments from my page as i have updated how comments are recived. I would however still like to address the individual who in a previous comment, has accused me of using people. I feel there has been some type of miscommunication and i ask this person , who chose to remin annymous, to contact me so we can figure this whole situation out. I don't think i have used anyone and i apologize if i have made you , or someone you know feel this way. I'd like to think i'm a fair person and I hate to think someone out there is thinking ill of me for something i obviously did not even realize i was doing. I ask this person to please comment and tell when i have done or contact me via MSN, phone, or hey .. just come up and talk to me. Again i'm sure this is just a complete misunderstanding, because as anyone can tell you i am not in any way a malicious person and I try to be kind to everyone. again i'm very sorry. please get in touch with me so we can sort this mess out

Peace and Blessings!

Mood: Tired Music:When Doves Cry

Ok so its been roughly three weeks since i got my tonsils out. things are pretty much back to normal. i'm still a lil limited as to what i can eat but thats by choice because some things still hurt. I'm allowed out and about , driving and all as per usual. Wednesday I left the docs office dropped my mom home and went straight to Ricardo's .. I got there like 9:30am and he was still in bed. not that he or I complained about the situation.. hehe but that requires a journal with a different subject matter. haha My boy is gone home for christmas now and I miss him very much. Its amazing how attached you can get to a guy in such a short period of time... never thought it could happen. Espcially since i was so dead set against getting into a relationship again. But i guess when everything fell through with me going to BC in january it was like God was opening a window for me. I'm really lucky to have such a great guy who makes me feel so special.... has anyone else noticed that my posts have been focused solely on Ricardo lately? haha
Christmas is also next weekend. I'm not overly excited at all. I have absolutely no idea what i'm getting.. which is weird.. i usually do. But this year i have absolutely no desire to know what i have either. I dunno .. since i stopped believing in Santa and more recently since my Grandfather died 3 years ago it just hasn't been the same at all Christmas just seems to go by like any other day with the exception that i dress better lol. maybe i'm just being a scrooge. But really I'm the second youngest in my extended family .. so i mean the spirit of Santa and all that crap is gone and my family doesn't appreciate the true meaning of christmas like I do.. its weird i guess.
So this is what has become my weekly posting ritual. I promise to try and get better. I mean i've missed out on posting great things like when I fell ( or as i like to call it jumping without such a graceful landing) off the stage at benders or when i finally told David Guiney how i really feel about him. Oh well i'll have to save that for another entry. But right now i'll just focus on going to bed! Goodnight loyal readers

Peace and Blessings :)

P.S. to the person that left the comment on my other entry please see my reply?

This is something some people have been asking for.

As a lot of people know and a lot of people still don;t know i keep a journal at home of my thoughts and feelings, I write them in many different forms.. sometimes songs poem short essays or just lil descriptive paragraphs. I have had some requests to see this writing but as you can appreicate i'm not too comfortable sharing my inner most thoughts and desires. however i decided to share just one entry i wrote earlier this summer when i decided i wasn't going to return to MUN like most of my peers.

Have you ever felt like you were walking aimlessly through shadows and tangled knots of uncertainty? Never sure of how to reach your destination? Always questioning the direction of every step you take? Completely oblivious to anything your future may hold? I chose to throw the life plan everyone else had decided on for me out the window and choose my own path in life and now I feel lost. I am sure of my destination but completely and utterly insecure about the journey. But I refuse to let anyone take my hand and lead me to a safe place where I am unhappy about my life and my choices. I will venture into the deep forest of ambiguity alone and triumph when I reach the other side as the woman I want to be.

All this time and no update!

So i've been in my house pretty close to two weeks now. I'm going insane. My only relief is when my friends breifly come to visit me. Ricardo has been in to see me twice. God love him. He was here yesterday and i swear it was as good as a day out of this house. I have so much fun with him. He's great. I can't believe how lucky I am that he chose me :)
My Tonsils ( or lack there of) are feeling much better. I can swallow without much difficulty ( haha i see Erin cracking up at that comment) and i'm on pretty solid foods although i can't eat much because i haven't eaten a whole lot since the 30th. Maybe enough for three days of full healthy meals. But i'm slowly getting better and its only 2 more sleeps until i'm alloed out of the house for my work christmas thingy down to the delta. Brunch mmm. Hey.. wait.. I can't eat brunch! this sucks! lol At least i'll look sexy! hehe and i get to go to Ricardo's for a lil while after sooo yaaaaaaaaaaaaay hehe! I can't wait to see him again!
Anyway I don;t have much else to write because frankly i've done nothing for two weeks. But I figured i should just keep my loyal audience updated. so COMMENT PEOPLE!!!! THIS MEANS YOU! *points finger*

Peace and Blessings! :)

Today's Breakthrough

Well yesterday I fought alot to eat anything. This Morning i am kicking foods butt! I had a whole bowl of tim hortons soup. now mind you i didn;t eat the chicken or the veggies cos thats hard and i can't get that stuff down yet. but i did eat all the juice and noodles. it was sooo yummy. soo much better than baby food! Mom said i can have more soup for my supper if i want it! god knows i don't want any more baby food! lol I did have a lil but of mashed potato last night though. That was good too.

I'm really sad i don't get to go to the family christmas party this year. I was thinking about it earlier. That sucks. Oh well at least i still get to go to brunch with the crowd from day care. I love those guys! thats next weekend. i should be ok to go by then. i won't be able to drive but i'll be able to eat a lil more than i am now. Anyway i'm gonna go take a shower cos i'm dirty. maybe put on some real clothes as people have said they're gonna come see me today! yaaay!

Peace and Blessings!

It starts.

I got my tonsils out yesterday. I have to say it was the most fun I've EVER had... this my friends is called sarcasim. I want to be shot in the foot to get my mind off the pain my throat. I'm sitting here in bed trying to struggle down some watered down baby food and it feels like millions of tiny razor blades scraping their way down my espohogus. I woke up 2:30 this morning to take some meds and i was in so much pain i just couldn't sleep. Thank God for me and Roxy's sex talks. LOL famous quote of the week

Roxy: Rhonda is good at hiding it, but when the time comes she's good at riding it!

Haha I love you Roxy. Thanks for keeping me occupied this morning when I felt so craptacular. The only question is now what do i do for the next two weeks. I'm not allowed to drive until the 15th. which i normally wouldn't complain about because i hate driving but when my b/f lives so close yet so far it really makes me mad. I wanna see Ricardo now!! I wanna scream! the only thing that hurts more than eating is talking! i've been usuing my computer as communication. Typing on word what i want to say to my parents or the msgs i want them to relay on the phone for me. It really sucks. esp if you know me and know how much i loooove to talk. Talking is what supported me all through high school. now.. nothing. I have no idea how long it will be before i can talk properly. I know one thing.. when you look back inmy mouth it looks so empty.. i wonder how much i can fit back there LOL anyway i should go try to struggle more baby food down. yukkkkk. shoot me please. Anyone feel free to come see me. Just call first so i look decent. you know where to find me. In bed. LOL

Peace and Blessings