The Year End Reveiw. ( I warn you I've been Watching a lot of Oprah)

I would be stupid to say its been a great year. Its had amazingly great moments, but its been rocky and hard. But I really believe I can say I learned more lessons this year than any other year. I feel this year I've really grown up, made a lot of tough desicions and become more independant that I ever thought I could be emotionally. I've strengthened some realtionships of my past, cut relationships that have been dragging me down, and made great new relationships too. This year has really opened my eyes to a lot of things in this life that I had never been exposed to before, a lot of things I had been to ignorant, I suppose, to realize before. I wanted to blind myself from some harsh realitys of "the grown up" world I had been avoiding. So here it is. my year end reveiw. I'm going to be brutally honest.

January started out amazing. I have previously described my new years eve as the single most happy moment of my life up to that point. And I won't deny that. AT the time I couldn't remember being happier. Surrounded by my friends and a boyfriend who I had believed that I loved at the time. I spent a lot of January wrapped up in a fantasy of lust. I went back to school after a semester off and was doing really well. I was really enjoying life and the year had a bright outlook.

However in February just after valentines day that al took a turn when Ricardo and I broke up. It was the first time someone had broken up with me and in reality, the first time i truly felt rejected by someone I cared about. My fantasy world came crashing down. I was nothing short of devestated. And i'm not shy in saying now I actually, for a very short time, reverted to my ways of thinking when i was 14 years old. I shortly relapsed and began not eating and making myself sick again, but realized also very quickly that I didn't want to be that way again. But i continued for a long time in a priod of dpression and self hatred and blamed myself for being rejected by him. I finished my semester with my worst marks yet and I cared very little about it.

June rolled around and I still felt miserable about everything that had happened. I really felt like something was wrong with me. Ricardo and I had been together less than three months and I was now mourning our relationship longer than I had actually been in it. HOwever in JUne I found out I recieved a promotion at work and became the Day Camp Coordinator. ANyone who knows me knows that I dearly love working at the rec centre so getting this postion was a dream come true. I put my heart and soul into my work there this summer. I dearly loved every day there, no matter how stressful it got sometimes. It was wonderful. I began thinking during my time this summer and in retrospect what I felt for Ricardo was not close to love. It was barely a relationship at all. It was phyical attraction in the raw. There was barely anything beneath the surface of what we had. We laughed a lot together but again, even that was rooted in the lust we had. I can't even carry a conversation with him anymore. Nor do I really want to. I have nothing to say to him, and I know he has very little to say to me. AT the time I saw how good looking he was (and I won't deny that he is a good looking guy) and I thought this is the best I'll ever do. He's a great looking guy and he's funny, but beyond that, there was very little. It was superficial relationship. Again in true Rhonda fashion, I'm really happy it happened. look at what I learned about relationships and myself. It was a hard long road to learn it, but I finally got it.

This summer also I got back into acting, after a three year retirment :P. I am soo thankful for Janet Graham and My Deadpan Family. I started as an understudy in "the Angry 12" then by some miracle they convinced me to sing for the birdcage and now I'm playing the girlfriend of the Main Character in "The Full Monty" will be at the LSPU hall in february. So keep in touch for tickets to that one. Deadpan Alley has been a God sent to me. You guys are a major part of my life and I couldn't be more blessed to have you in my life. I love you guys.

So when the Summer was over I felt ready to open up again and have a good time. Which turned out to be the turning point in my craptacular year. After a summer of emotional highs and lows, with my new job and a night in the cove being the high points and a night out that never should have happened being a low I decided to get back to the things I loved and Volunteered as an orientation leader for the fall semester at MUN. I met soo many amazing people there. and Had so much fun. Definatly the one of the higest points of my year were those three days I spent out there. Dancing the OV boogie, meeting Darcy, Chris, Dennis, Meghan, Richard.. all those amazing people was awesome. Acting like a fool in front of 1500 first year students ballroom dancing with sammy seahawk and being the BEST DAMN M ever! Most importantly though Orientation brought me to Darcy. This is the way a relationship is is supposed to be. I can talk to him for hours about nothing, I can be comfortable in silence with him. I know he's going to be there for me emotionally when I need him and it goes sooooo far beyond anything physical. When I'm with him I feel safe and I don't doubt at any time how he feels about me because when I hear him speak and see him look at me I know he loves me. However, nothing great comes without loss. Appearantly some people can't stand to see me with someone else ad since Darcy and I have been together some people have completely disregarded me from their lives, people who told me everyday they loved me this summer and claimed to be my true friends. They seemed to be ok with it at first, but when they figured out I was in ths relationship for the long run they have stopped talking to me all together. One particular friend, who I rarely got to see anyway because he lives 10 hours away hasn't talked to me in months, depite the fact he said we'd be friends no matter what. Another has countlessly disappointed me, saying he would show up to my play.. three times? and never bothered to show, said he'd visit me and never did and walked away from me in the feild house, after being "so close" this summer, which i now percieve to be a load of bull. and one friend just blatantly came out and said " we can't hang out while you're in a relationship" which in fact I'd much prefer, I like honesty, if you couldn't tell. the others - Clearly if you're going to treat me like that because I found happiness, I don't need you.

So this semester has been amazing. I did really awesome in school. Landed and amazing job at the Student Volunteer Bureau (SVB) which is my new love affair. I never thought I'd have a job I love so much as the rec centre but I found myself talking yesterday about how I couldn't wait to go back to school because I miss work and I miss my friends there. I worked at the Rec Centre still and rehearsed rougly 8 hours a week. Did an amazing production with rave reveiws of the birdcage, fell hopelessly in love and got to spend huge amounts of time with the girls who mean the most to me. Ashleigh Kayla and Murrdogg. I don't know how Id go on without you. You are the loves of my life. You mean everything from here to the moon and back to me. You are everything I want and need in this life and the next. Aaron Critch you are the best guy friend I could ever want. You should be the idol for all other males to worship and follow by example.

So Christmas Came and Darcy left. I've wrote about that. I don't need to repeat myself. I got great gifts for christmas, had a night downtown with my girls. been casually drinking a lot. went to church seen family i havent seen in ages and haven't shut up about how I turned my year around and am happier now and more focused on making a future for myself than ever. So I'll end this entry much like Aaron did On BK, by making a list of lessons I leanred this year. I've learned a lot so I'm going to limit myself to the top 10 .

1. Love is not physical. Lust is. love goes much farther beyond the physical and wraps your heart and soul in warmth. Love makes you feel safe, and harbours no doubt. Love is everything it is written to be and a hundred thousand words more that no great writer could ever capture.

2. Just because is the best reason to do something nice for someone else.

3. You can ALWAYS get more toast.

4. Never drink to the point that you allow yourself and your best friend to be videotaped in bed with a naked guy you've never met before.

5. The future doesn't become great without preparation and acceptance. Live for the moment but don't be afraid to put some thought into the moments to come.

6. Always remember your ID ;)

7. Kids can become deadly weapons when armed with thumbtacks and a phone

8. Friendship is not a conditonal thing. If you're my friend, be my friend, do not be my friend under certain circumstances. If you decide to do that, you were my never my friend to begin with and I do not need you in my life.

9. Everything happens for a reason. The glass is half full and there is a lesson to be learned from everything. If you can't find it, you haven't looked hard enough. I work hard to find the lesson and the positive to every bad thing that has ever happened to me. Thats why I am not bitter. If you don't believe me. Ask me and I will tell you everything I have leanred from everything. I am thankful and have no regrets toward every horrible to thing to have ever happened to me.

10. Last but certainly not least, Friendship is the most important thing in life. My friends have done more for me than I could ever express in words. Thank you from the bottom on of my heart to Ashleigh, Kayla, Murrdogg, and Aaron. I NEVER would have gotten through this year, especially the first half without you. I owe you everthing.

So I knpow I've left out a lot. But its been a year full of heartbreak, love and raw emotion and inner strength. Here's to the New year everybody.

Peace and Blessings.
Rhonda


Edit: So appearantly some of my thoughts have come out wrong. Someone commented that if they were darcy they'd feel like crap because of the way he was depicted. I think thats probably because of the way I depicted Ricardo and I want to set the record stright. Most of my year was spent dealing with the hatred that Ricardo made me feel for myself. That is why this blog is focused on that. I think Darcy is HANDSOME smart, sophisticated, funny, and in short the best thing to ever happen to me. I wanted to make the point that what I have with him goes so much deeper than that, but appearantly I need to state the fact that "HEY! GUESS WHAT EVERYONE! I'M REALLY FREAKING ATTRACTED TO MY BOYFRIEND AND I THINK HE'S EXTREMELY HANDSOME" so in case anyone had any doubt about how I feel about him, I love him. Real honest love. I shouldn't have to vaildate this, but here you go.

Holy Christmas Eve, Batman!

Well. Its here. Ready or not. ALl this preparation, stress, money time and effort all for something that will be mostly done with by 10:00 tomorrow morning. Its pretty silly when you put into perspecttive like that huh? But thats not what its all about. Its about spending time with the people you love ( no matter how far away they may be). Anyway there is Chrsitmas coming out of everybody's ears so thats not what I came here to write about. My day yesterday was definatly worth a blog so here it is.

So I woke up at 5am. Yes 5am during my holidays. Got showered and all dressed up and by 7am was out the door to go to the Ft. William Building ( the Aliant Building for those of you who didn't know) as there was a beautiful morning set up for employees and their families, with a very pretty breakfast on the 4th floor with a gorgeous veiw of the harbour and the sunrise-ishness. in the background you could hear the Newfoundland Symphony Youth choir preforming ont he main level if the foyer in the building (which goes 6 floors up, the enitre height of the buliding) Singing the most beautifully harmonized christmas songs. It was absolutely wonderful. Its one of the parts of Christmas I still really look forward to. It usually happens on Christmas eve but due to the position of the holiday this year they had it yesterday.

We then left there to go see my grampy at the Vet Pavillion ( his new home). He was out sitting in the hallway in his wheelchair when we got there. Wearing his santa claus hat and his christmas tie. Thats one thing I have to say about Grampy, no matter where he was or what he was doing or even how old and confused he is, he is ALWAYS dressed emaculatly. However, I'm not liking this new place he's in. When we got there his glasses weren't on his face - we couldn't find them anywhere. We asked the nurse who nonchalantly mentioned that they had been missing since yesterday. My 94 year old grandfather who can see better than I can when he wears his glasses has been going around near blind for the past few days because the nurses haven't bothered to put his backup glasses on him. I guess I'm just not used to seeing him like this. Up until 5 years ago my poppy was living on his own cooking huge feeds every other day (he is a chef) and now he's reduced to this. Its hard for me. We sat down to talk to him in the common room there and told us he'd ben in renews this week to see his father. just in case any of you don't get this, he's 94. His father has loooong past. He also talked about getting a car again. My poppy has never sat behind the wheel of a car. Makes me really sad to hear him so confused, but like i said, he's 94, he has a lot of things to remember. He's doing well though. I just wish he was still back at Kelly's Care Home. That place is amazing.

So we left there and I came home and got ready to go shopping with Christopher Downey. No, we didnt go Christmas shopping. He had to buy thongs. thats right. and when we found the appropriate ones he then had to buy some tnght leather pants and a mesh shirt. I've never laughed so hard before in my whole life. people were watching him in the dressing room at value village. One guy called him a fucking pimp. not in a cool way either. I thought he was going to go punch the face off of Chris. It was hilarity at its finest. I also got a moose for David while we were at the mall. I seen him working at bootlegger, and I figured its christmas and this poor sweet boy has been working like crazy because retail is nuts, so i went o sears and got hm a stuffed moose and brought it to him for christmas. I tried to just drop it and leave but he'd have none of it. David is such a sweet boy. Wish I knew him a lil better but he doesn't seem to be too interested in being my friend much, but thats ok, he's super.

Then I came home and had a glass of milk (haha) and started in on a book I wanted to start reading. Its called "A Million Little Pieces" If you haven't read it. do it. You won't regret it. Especially if you know anyone who struggles with addiction. Its hard for me to read. I winced. I wanted to vomit, but i read. It made me think of Charlie, and hope he's ok. but its amazingly written and 100% ture. Its an oprahs book club book. You should really read it. its worth it.

Then it was wrapping time. I hadn't wrapped any of my presents yet because I couldn't get any alone time in my house. no one listens to the "don't come in" rule in my house so its wrap when you can and wrap fast. so i got that done and talked to Darcy for a bit on the phone then hit they hay.

Christmas holidays are going well. not going by fast enough for my liking but its bearable. I miss Darcy horribly. But i've been keeping busy and I've talked to him almost everyday. and I have my friends and my CD's to keep me company. I'm finished work until the new yearso thats pretty awesome too. I needed a vacation, but I REALLY can't wait to get back yto the Student Volunteer Bureau. Who would have guessed I'd fall in love with a job as much as I had with the Rec Centre, I absolutely freaking love the SVB and I'm so excited to start my work there next semester. SO much event planning and organizing,, and maybe even some alphabetizing.. eeeeee

SO this isn't my year in review like I has predeicted., but I need to wait until after tomorrow for that, so when I get time next week it will come. Merry Christmas everyone. May the season of love and giving over take you and may you forget anything bad that has happened this year and embrace all the goodness in your life and thank god for this wonderful time of the year. Have a joyous New Year. :)

12 Cd's left :)

Peace and Blessings

School's Out!

So this week has been pretty eventful. Sunday Night Darcy and I celebrated Christmas. He gave me the MUN sweater I really wanted and a Belle stocking with choclates in it :) and a santa/princess hat. It's pink and has Princess written on it. Monday started out with my second last exam! Grammar.. yuk! As much of grammar nazi as I am , I really disliked that course. However, the exam was a breeze and I'm pretty confident that I aced it.
Tuesday was the day I had been dreading, Darcy left :( . I was really sad about it but I know he'll have an awesome time while he's home. Doesn't make it any easier on me but at least I know he's coming back. He gave me the most awesome present ever at the airport. And I mean EVER. He's gone for 24 days. Thats a long time. But he gave me 24 cd's and a cd with a video on it with instructions. On the video he was wearing a suit and tie ( he looked so cute!) and he told me that I had a CD for everyday he was gone and every CD had a theme. I was only allowed to listen to one CD a day so I'd have something new everyday until he came back. Then after that video was over there was a picture slide show of pictures of him and I together with "When You Say Nothing At All" playing in the background. It was by far the most sentimental and romantic gift I have ever gotten. I absolutely bawled when I opened it. Only 18 CD's left until he comes back.
Wednesday and Thursday were spent with my nose in the books again. I had my last exam on thursday night. War and Aggression. I thought it was the most amazing exam I have ever written. I seriously kicked that exams butt. I wrote about the Rwandan Genocide of 1994. It was a very powerful book that I read. I would recomend it to anyone, whether they were taking the course or not. Its called "We Wish to Inform You Tomorrow We Will be Killed Along With Our Famillies" by Philip Gourevitch. If you have any desire to read Non-Fiction pick this book up or ask me for a loan of it.
Friday Was awesomely sweet. I got up super early and went shopping with Raylene ( my sister) then i got home and went to work until 5:30. Then i came home got ready in mad rush and then took off to a fogdevils game with my girls. We all sat together and watched the hockey game. Then we got a cab to Matts house where we primed up to go downtown. Ashleigh got really loaded and it was pretty awesome. Then we headed downtown, went to 180 for a few minutes however that didn't last long due to the creeps that inhabit that place. So we headed to the faithful Peddlers and boogied the night away. It was so awsome to get out with the girls for an amazing night like that.
Last night I was pretty much in the mood to chill after such a busy week, so Ches came up and we watched Christmas with the Kranks. What a corny movie. Haha Told you he was Santa! Then we chatted it up for a few hours. It was nice to get to talk to Ches like that, haven't done so in a long time. I miss the old days when we all used to hang out sometimes. BUt we all know that situation just wasn't always good. I miss you guys though. You were my life for a long time. Stefan, Colin, Hayden, Adam and Ches we all have to hang out over christmas.. if you're up for it?
Anyway thats my week. I really miss Darcy but I'm doing fine, I have the most amazing friends I could ever ask for. I know I say that every entry but I really do.

I guess my next entry will probably be my year in reveiw. Stay tuned!

Peace and Blessings!

This kept me awake last night.

I really thought I had a ton of great people in my life, however, thinking about it lately I have 5 people who I can really trust whole heartedly. Those five people know who they are. I have a lot of good people in my life, but since September I've lost a lot of people that I considered to be some of my closest friends. It seems as though those people had intention with me that if they weren't able to persue, I was of no use to them. You know how you are and what I mean. I've addressed the issue with some of you in an attempt to make it better, but as you can see this is still getting to me, and the fact that you have still isolated me just validates everything I said. I'm disappointed that our friendship had to be reduced to this. But I guess its better this way because I can see our relationship for what it was really worth to some of you.

Now by the tone of this entry you'd probably think I was bitter, but let me falsify that right now. I couldn't be happier. In true Rhonda fashion I'm taking the best from this, not the worst. I know who my true friends are. I know who really cares about me and who doesn't. Friendship is not a conditional thing and if you're going to exile me from your life just because I changed one simple aspect, then you're really not the person I thought you were. I couldn't be happier with my life right now. I'm happy and I have the best friends in the world that I could ever ask for. Ashleigh, Kayla, Murrdogg and Aaron I love you to death. I don't know what I'd do without you. Darcy, you're amazing and I love you to no end. Everyone else in my life that I love, I wouldn't be the same without you. But those of you who think this entry is aimed at you - it probably is. Try to fix it if you want. I don't care. Really I think I'm probably better off without you if you made me feel this way anyway!

:)

Peace and Blessings!

Thank You

What does love feel like? It feels like every ounce of your being is focused on one person. That no matter what happens in life all will be ok because you always have someone to support you. It feels as if with every laugh that person shares, a new world is born and with every tear they shed, a world is destroyed. Every time you’re with him time stops and everything else loses all meaning there is no doubt no fear just him. You see him sitting there, looking at you so strong yet so gentle and everything in life is complete. You struggle no more, you stress no more. Everything else may come or go but you have all you need right here, as the other half of your soul stares back at you.

With a simple glace into your eyes you make me forget everything bad that has ever happened to me. I had the most horrible day today that I’ve had in along time, and when I seen you it’s like it was like it never happened. There was nothing else on the earth that mattered. There was me, there was you, and there was our love. Thank you for being the supportive boyfriend I’ve never had. Thank you for understanding me and making me feel like I’m sane in this insane world in which we live. Thank you for making me laugh when all I want to do is cry and thank you for helping me to catch my breath when I feel like I don’t have time to breath. Thank you for the kisses, the hugs, the flowers, the words of encouragement and the hours of silence spent in your arms. Thank you for being everything I ever hoped for.

Life, Or something like it..

So life has been pretty crazy. I love it. working two jobs, rehearsing pretty close to 8 hours a wee, 5 courses, friends, boyfriend, family christmas shopping, yep its that time of the year again folks! we had our annual family Christmas party last night. It was great. I had an awesome time and my family really seemed to get a long with Darcy well. They all really liked him :) That makes me really happy.

ANother exciting event of the recent has been that Kayla got accepted to Frecker! I'm sooo excited for her! I love to see my friends achieve what they strive for! I'm going to miss her tons in the three months she's gone but i'm soo happy for her at the same time. Its bittersweet really. Its just so crazy that everyone's lives are moving so fast all of a sudden. We're all grown up. Murrdogg and I are slated for graduation next april! we're gonna convocate together! Thats really super awesome! Then what am I gonna do? Only time will tell I suppose. I'd like to think I'd go to Humber, Get that post Grad certificate and maybe make a life for myself. who knows.. maybe i'll be a bum.

Have you noticed my blogs have been focused on my future lately? I'm not really sure thats a good thing.. I like to live for the moment and I've become such a planner.. its odd. I'm thinking months in advance and its only since i started this semester that i've been like that. I guess its really hitting me now that I'm all grown up. I don't have the right to be a kid anymore and worry about partying every weekend and chasing useless dreams. Now if only some people I knew could get the same mentality. Life is not about living from party to party. Its about making your life count, making the the world a better plae because of yourself not in spite of yourself.

Anyhoo thats all I have to say. Pics from last night.. yes.