The Year End Reveiw. ( I warn you I've been Watching a lot of Oprah)

I would be stupid to say its been a great year. Its had amazingly great moments, but its been rocky and hard. But I really believe I can say I learned more lessons this year than any other year. I feel this year I've really grown up, made a lot of tough desicions and become more independant that I ever thought I could be emotionally. I've strengthened some realtionships of my past, cut relationships that have been dragging me down, and made great new relationships too. This year has really opened my eyes to a lot of things in this life that I had never been exposed to before, a lot of things I had been to ignorant, I suppose, to realize before. I wanted to blind myself from some harsh realitys of "the grown up" world I had been avoiding. So here it is. my year end reveiw. I'm going to be brutally honest.

January started out amazing. I have previously described my new years eve as the single most happy moment of my life up to that point. And I won't deny that. AT the time I couldn't remember being happier. Surrounded by my friends and a boyfriend who I had believed that I loved at the time. I spent a lot of January wrapped up in a fantasy of lust. I went back to school after a semester off and was doing really well. I was really enjoying life and the year had a bright outlook.

However in February just after valentines day that al took a turn when Ricardo and I broke up. It was the first time someone had broken up with me and in reality, the first time i truly felt rejected by someone I cared about. My fantasy world came crashing down. I was nothing short of devestated. And i'm not shy in saying now I actually, for a very short time, reverted to my ways of thinking when i was 14 years old. I shortly relapsed and began not eating and making myself sick again, but realized also very quickly that I didn't want to be that way again. But i continued for a long time in a priod of dpression and self hatred and blamed myself for being rejected by him. I finished my semester with my worst marks yet and I cared very little about it.

June rolled around and I still felt miserable about everything that had happened. I really felt like something was wrong with me. Ricardo and I had been together less than three months and I was now mourning our relationship longer than I had actually been in it. HOwever in JUne I found out I recieved a promotion at work and became the Day Camp Coordinator. ANyone who knows me knows that I dearly love working at the rec centre so getting this postion was a dream come true. I put my heart and soul into my work there this summer. I dearly loved every day there, no matter how stressful it got sometimes. It was wonderful. I began thinking during my time this summer and in retrospect what I felt for Ricardo was not close to love. It was barely a relationship at all. It was phyical attraction in the raw. There was barely anything beneath the surface of what we had. We laughed a lot together but again, even that was rooted in the lust we had. I can't even carry a conversation with him anymore. Nor do I really want to. I have nothing to say to him, and I know he has very little to say to me. AT the time I saw how good looking he was (and I won't deny that he is a good looking guy) and I thought this is the best I'll ever do. He's a great looking guy and he's funny, but beyond that, there was very little. It was superficial relationship. Again in true Rhonda fashion, I'm really happy it happened. look at what I learned about relationships and myself. It was a hard long road to learn it, but I finally got it.

This summer also I got back into acting, after a three year retirment :P. I am soo thankful for Janet Graham and My Deadpan Family. I started as an understudy in "the Angry 12" then by some miracle they convinced me to sing for the birdcage and now I'm playing the girlfriend of the Main Character in "The Full Monty" will be at the LSPU hall in february. So keep in touch for tickets to that one. Deadpan Alley has been a God sent to me. You guys are a major part of my life and I couldn't be more blessed to have you in my life. I love you guys.

So when the Summer was over I felt ready to open up again and have a good time. Which turned out to be the turning point in my craptacular year. After a summer of emotional highs and lows, with my new job and a night in the cove being the high points and a night out that never should have happened being a low I decided to get back to the things I loved and Volunteered as an orientation leader for the fall semester at MUN. I met soo many amazing people there. and Had so much fun. Definatly the one of the higest points of my year were those three days I spent out there. Dancing the OV boogie, meeting Darcy, Chris, Dennis, Meghan, Richard.. all those amazing people was awesome. Acting like a fool in front of 1500 first year students ballroom dancing with sammy seahawk and being the BEST DAMN M ever! Most importantly though Orientation brought me to Darcy. This is the way a relationship is is supposed to be. I can talk to him for hours about nothing, I can be comfortable in silence with him. I know he's going to be there for me emotionally when I need him and it goes sooooo far beyond anything physical. When I'm with him I feel safe and I don't doubt at any time how he feels about me because when I hear him speak and see him look at me I know he loves me. However, nothing great comes without loss. Appearantly some people can't stand to see me with someone else ad since Darcy and I have been together some people have completely disregarded me from their lives, people who told me everyday they loved me this summer and claimed to be my true friends. They seemed to be ok with it at first, but when they figured out I was in ths relationship for the long run they have stopped talking to me all together. One particular friend, who I rarely got to see anyway because he lives 10 hours away hasn't talked to me in months, depite the fact he said we'd be friends no matter what. Another has countlessly disappointed me, saying he would show up to my play.. three times? and never bothered to show, said he'd visit me and never did and walked away from me in the feild house, after being "so close" this summer, which i now percieve to be a load of bull. and one friend just blatantly came out and said " we can't hang out while you're in a relationship" which in fact I'd much prefer, I like honesty, if you couldn't tell. the others - Clearly if you're going to treat me like that because I found happiness, I don't need you.

So this semester has been amazing. I did really awesome in school. Landed and amazing job at the Student Volunteer Bureau (SVB) which is my new love affair. I never thought I'd have a job I love so much as the rec centre but I found myself talking yesterday about how I couldn't wait to go back to school because I miss work and I miss my friends there. I worked at the Rec Centre still and rehearsed rougly 8 hours a week. Did an amazing production with rave reveiws of the birdcage, fell hopelessly in love and got to spend huge amounts of time with the girls who mean the most to me. Ashleigh Kayla and Murrdogg. I don't know how Id go on without you. You are the loves of my life. You mean everything from here to the moon and back to me. You are everything I want and need in this life and the next. Aaron Critch you are the best guy friend I could ever want. You should be the idol for all other males to worship and follow by example.

So Christmas Came and Darcy left. I've wrote about that. I don't need to repeat myself. I got great gifts for christmas, had a night downtown with my girls. been casually drinking a lot. went to church seen family i havent seen in ages and haven't shut up about how I turned my year around and am happier now and more focused on making a future for myself than ever. So I'll end this entry much like Aaron did On BK, by making a list of lessons I leanred this year. I've learned a lot so I'm going to limit myself to the top 10 .

1. Love is not physical. Lust is. love goes much farther beyond the physical and wraps your heart and soul in warmth. Love makes you feel safe, and harbours no doubt. Love is everything it is written to be and a hundred thousand words more that no great writer could ever capture.

2. Just because is the best reason to do something nice for someone else.

3. You can ALWAYS get more toast.

4. Never drink to the point that you allow yourself and your best friend to be videotaped in bed with a naked guy you've never met before.

5. The future doesn't become great without preparation and acceptance. Live for the moment but don't be afraid to put some thought into the moments to come.

6. Always remember your ID ;)

7. Kids can become deadly weapons when armed with thumbtacks and a phone

8. Friendship is not a conditonal thing. If you're my friend, be my friend, do not be my friend under certain circumstances. If you decide to do that, you were my never my friend to begin with and I do not need you in my life.

9. Everything happens for a reason. The glass is half full and there is a lesson to be learned from everything. If you can't find it, you haven't looked hard enough. I work hard to find the lesson and the positive to every bad thing that has ever happened to me. Thats why I am not bitter. If you don't believe me. Ask me and I will tell you everything I have leanred from everything. I am thankful and have no regrets toward every horrible to thing to have ever happened to me.

10. Last but certainly not least, Friendship is the most important thing in life. My friends have done more for me than I could ever express in words. Thank you from the bottom on of my heart to Ashleigh, Kayla, Murrdogg, and Aaron. I NEVER would have gotten through this year, especially the first half without you. I owe you everthing.

So I knpow I've left out a lot. But its been a year full of heartbreak, love and raw emotion and inner strength. Here's to the New year everybody.

Peace and Blessings.
Rhonda


Edit: So appearantly some of my thoughts have come out wrong. Someone commented that if they were darcy they'd feel like crap because of the way he was depicted. I think thats probably because of the way I depicted Ricardo and I want to set the record stright. Most of my year was spent dealing with the hatred that Ricardo made me feel for myself. That is why this blog is focused on that. I think Darcy is HANDSOME smart, sophisticated, funny, and in short the best thing to ever happen to me. I wanted to make the point that what I have with him goes so much deeper than that, but appearantly I need to state the fact that "HEY! GUESS WHAT EVERYONE! I'M REALLY FREAKING ATTRACTED TO MY BOYFRIEND AND I THINK HE'S EXTREMELY HANDSOME" so in case anyone had any doubt about how I feel about him, I love him. Real honest love. I shouldn't have to vaildate this, but here you go.