Quote of the Week

Evan Says
"I wish I could just Pee myself and Call It a day"

What a revelation..

100 things about me.

So I was just reading some other blogs.. and I seen this one where some girls listed off 100 random things about herself, I thought what a fun idea! So here goes.. I wonder how long this will take...
1. My Name is Rhonda
2. I'm 19 years old
3. My birthday is Oct. 28th, 1985
4. My 19th Birthday was the best yet
5. despite the 3 day hangover
6. I trust my life with 4 people
7. Ashleigh, Kayla, Murrdogg, Stefan
8. I probably have the worst luck with guys out of all of my friends
9. Its prolly because I trust people too easily
10. My favorite place on eath is London, England
11. Some of the greatest people on earth live there
12. Namely Roxy
13. Pink is my fave color.
14. I've had the same best friend for 15 years
15. I'm eating a chocolate covered strawberry
16. I've been in love with two different people. Despite arguments i may get.
17. Kelly Clarkson is my favorite singer
18. I seen the Independant tour ( Kelly and Clay aiken) March 8th, 2004 in Worcester Mass.
19. I have 18 plaques on my wall
20. Most of them are for public speaking
21. One is for Volunteer of the Year
22. Another for theatre.
23. I love unicorns.
24. Dyke nights make my week.
25. I have an unhealthy obession with MSN that i wish i could kick
26. I drive a red 2003 sunfire
27. I used to drive an 89 sunbird
28. Its name was putt putt
29. My biggest fear is dying alone and not being found
30. I have a very strong faith in God
31. I thank God every night for everything he has given me and everything he has denied me
32. i believe everything happens for a reason
33. I believe in myself
34. I believe in ghosts
35. I believe in Fairy's
36. I am the princess of ghetto booty
37. I really dislike my eyes
38. I'm completely happy with my body right now
39. I weigh less than i ever have in my semi adult life right now
40. I wear contacts
41. I hate wearing glasses
42. I used to have winnie the pooh murals painted on my walls until mid 2004
43. I'm a scorpio
44. I have a scorpio personality
45. Kayla is beating me in our contest by 1
46. I'm a very cheap drunk
47. I own a really cool seatbelt-belt
48. My fave show as a kid was Mr. Dressup
49. I have two tattoos
50. My first i got in honour of all my friends from the UK
51. My second I got to remember my fave thing about high school
52. I have plans to get two more tattoo's
53. I have both my ears pierced twice
54. I have an older sister
55. We don't get a long
56. I don't have a great relationship with my parents either.
57. I've never heard either of my parents even utter the word sex
58. My longest relationship was 3 years
59. Him and I are still great friends
60. My favorite song is "Sundown" By Gordon Lightfoot
61. I love to sing
62. Besides drunken Kareokee I haven't sung in public since prom
63. I graduated in 2003
64. My favorite number is 18
65. I love the smell of peaches
66. I think the safest place is inside someones hug
67. I have a really hard time letting go sometimes
68. I rarely feel special
69. The people who have made me feel special are the ones who let me down the most
70. I'm scared of the idea of marriage
71. I love the idea of a wedding
72. Someday I want to have four children
73. If it wasn't for the fact that i have a hereditary disease I'd think i was adopted
74. I love Itialian food
75. My idea of a perfect date is a walk through the park in the moonlight
76. I've had over 30 suguries.
77. I love taking pictures
78. I love Dora the Explorer
79. I miss my grand mother more than i could ever explain in words
80. My friends were right that summer they told me I had an eating problem
81. The one person i don't think i could forget if i tried is Charlie LaCosta
82. I was the Goulds Winter Carnival Queen in 2001
83. The people who promise they'll never hurt me are usually the ones who hurt me the worst
84. Sometimes I like to think my life is a musical
85. I loved working at a day camp
86. The best advice i've ever gotten was to picture myself as a cup
87. I like to make people feel better about themselves
88. I believe you should make yourself a blessing to someone
89. And that the hardest thing to realize is something other than yourself is real
90. I hold onto silly things for silly reasons sometimes
91. The nicest simple thing I remember someone doing for me is giving me their jacket in the cold
92. I hate when people spend money on me
93. I love the smell of boys
94. I like to make scrapbooks
95. Sometimes I wish I had bigger boobs
96. I love to swim
97. I owe my life to a woman named Tamara Wesberry
98. I've never met her
99. The most influential person in my life is myself
100. I want everyone to leave 10 things about themselves in my comments

Wow

Last night i experienced the weirdest thing. For once.. I was the odd wheel. I mean ever. Like I have always been involved with someone when my friends were. and anytime i wasn't i had single friends around too. But last night i sat down and realized.. hey I'm alone. and I went outside.. and I was still alone. It was just very weird for me. I guess i just don't have a lot of experience with being single. For the past 4 years i've been associated with someone in some way. Its just different for me to be completely on my own. Not that its a bad thing. its something i have to get used to. Just different. It just kinda hit me hard last night. Ok seriously guys. No more alcohol for me for awhile ok? anyway thats the only update i have right now. I'm off to find something to do tonight..

Peace and Blessings!

"Rhonda are *YOU* Going to the gym?!"

Thought i would start off this entry on a bit of a lighter note (actually maybe i mean heavier.. :P) So yesterday I went to school to go to the GYm with Kayla and Murrdogg. So Kayla and I were waiting for Murr in the library and we ran into heather.. When we got up to leave heather asked where we were going.. Kayla said the gym.. and heather said with much shock and awe "Rhonda... Are YOU going to the gym?!" .. I mean i'm not really THAT out of shape am I? Haha .. Should I be in bed washing myself with a rag on a stick? haha I love you Heather. I'm actually quite happy with my body right now... I mean i bought a two piece swim suit.. a bikini! ME!
WE actually went swimming the other night ( Ash Kayla and I) and you'll never guess what was floating in the *poo*l.. it was pretty crappy.. Yeah thats right.. POOP! Ewwwwwwww .. lets comprehend this for a second people.. feces was expelled from someones body and into the water we were swimming in.. thats like swimming in a toilet!! It was gross. I'm really glad i'm back into swimming though.. I really miss it.
So tonight I started going through all my millions upon millions of pictures tonight.. trying to somewhat organize them and the like. I found some really cute one of when i was a baby.. and some rather unflatterng ones from my early years... Why wasn't I beat up when I was a kid..? God i realize why i was so fat.. I was hoping to hide that face behind my obesity.. do I look like that now? would you guys tell me if i did?
Hmm what else can I talk about.. oooh tomorrow I am going to get Actupuncture done on my back.. Hopefully this will help some because I mean really 6 years later and i'm still have complications.. there has to be something I can do.. ? hmm i guess i'll have to let you know how that one goes..
Anyhoo I really can't think of anything else to talk about without complaining.. lol so its been a slice..

Peace and Blessings..
Rhonda

I can't think of a title..

I don't even remember making that last post.. wow. Never should have gone to Peddlers the other night thats for sure. But you have to face everything sometime I suppose... Can't say I didn't think about him every second I was there though.. especially over by the bar... I wonder if he even remembers that? anyway.. i don't really have a lot to write. Only to admit that I've been in complete denial of my feelings over the past few weeks to everyone.. I'm back at square one. I'll leave you with some song lyrics.

Could it be any harder?
You left me with goodbye and open arms
A cut so deep I don't deserve
You were always invincible in my eyes
the only thing against us now is time
[Chorus:] Could it be any harder to say goodbye and without you,
Could it be any harder to watch you go,
to face what's true
If I only had one more day
I lie down and blind myself with laughter
A quick fix of hope is what I'm needing
And now i wish that i could turn back the hours
But i know i just don't have the power
[Chorus]
I'd jump at the chance
We'd drink and we'd dance
And I'd listen close to your every word,
As if its your last, I know its your last,
Cause today, oh, you're gone
[Chorus]
Like sand on my feet
The smell of sweet perfume
You stick to me forever,
baby and I wish you didn't go,
I wish you didn't go
I wish you didn't go away
To touch you again,
With life in your hands
It couldn't be any harder

Backsteert boys

cso withou you all i'm gonan be is.. incoelte... I mssi you .. nogthign has cnahgend.. not matetr ho mcuh i dent it.. ...

oeace and vlessng//
rhonda.. she lmosees you

Finally!

Well Ladies and Gentlemen.. I finally applied and got accepted to a faculty *takes a bow* I'm now offically an English Major - Sociology Minor. woohoo! Rhonda made a decision! I went through a rough few weeks.. but in a moment of sheer drunkeness i came to an amazing revelation. Its a lil too personal to post here so anyone who would like to know what my discovery was .. please feel free to ask. I really have the most amazing awesome increible unbelievable friends a girl could ever ask for. Its true that only in the face of sadness is when you truly see who means the most. I can't say i still don't get sad sometimes.. but its bareable and I have some really cool people to hang around with and make me realize that just because i'm not special to one person doesn't mean i'm not special to others. Its time for Rhonda to be a lil selfish now i think.. I don't remember a time i only worried about myself. Even when i was single this summer i still worried about other people. And i really am rethinking the whole lesbian thing hehe Ok I realize all guys aren't out to hurt me.. seems to be just the ones i chose to get involved with lol I know there are nice guys out there.. and i really hope to get to know some of them better while i'm still kinda confused about what i want in my right life right now. At least i have igured out what i don't need in my life.. right? Anyway i know its a short update but i wanna take a nap.. going to Doolys tonight for the big brothers/big sisters fundraiser :) Tootles!

Peace and Blessings!

A Little of What's Going on.

These past few days have been by far the toughest I've ever had to go through. Its not just one thing. It just snowballed on me. First off and by far the *most* painful Ricardo broke up with me for a reason I have yet to understand. But again thats not somehting to be discussed here. Then yet another plan for my education crumbled around my feet. Then a guy from my past who I had hoped and prayed I would never see again came back and is trying to be a aprt of my life again.. not something i'm ready for. Tomorrow I also face a very crutial doctors appointment. On top of all that I have friend and family issues that I really have no idea how to face.
Up until less than a week ago I thought I was really on top of the world. I had never been happier in my life. It was all I could do not to smile... and today I couldn't even smile at something that cracked me up completely two weeks ago. I've really been through my share of crap over the past few months and I really thought it was all over. I thought my life was finally looking up again.. and I can't believe everything is in pieces around me agian...

Another of my little pieces of writing

Once I Thought I Could Fly

Once.. on a cold fall night.. I thought I grew wings. I stood close to you, and you smiled at me. You lead me to believe you loved me. I've been hurt countless times before. I gave my heart away and it was abused. bad. You were different. I knew I shouldn't have fallen for it.. but I did. I thought those wings would let me fly.. and I jumped.. Now I'm falling. I see the ground fast approaching. I know you're near by... and i need you to catch me.. but will you? Am I worth saving.. or will you let me crash into the ground? You're still flying in my mind..but where have my wings gone?

Vomit Tastes Like Cheez Whiz Toast.. and Other Tragedy's

I'm not going to get too much into this here. Its not the place for it. But just so I don't have to answer anymore questions.. last night Ricardo broke up with me. Does anyone have any scotch tape? I need to fix my broken heart. Nothing has ever made me feel so bad and broken up before.. and i've been through some pretty shitty things... believe me. But you know what they say... and if you don't.. too bad. Thats what I have to do.

Peace and Blessings

Why The Move? And Other Buisness.

Seems I have been getting some weird messages from people who are accusing me of being something i'm obviously not. So i decided I would move my blog and not give the person i suspected it to be the address to see if it goes away. That being said.. if you're reading this now.. its not you :)
So i Haven't made a apost in awhile. I apologize for that. Been that time of year again when we start having midterms. They ones i've had thus far haven't been that bad so i can't complain. HOwever i will complain now. because its what I do best. I have to go to not one.. but two different doctors today. And anyone who knows me knows one of them is among my greatest fears. I Have to go to the dentist today. Usually its not so bad because i get gased, but today i have to drive myself .. so i can't get gased. And i have to go to the eye doctor right after :( i'm pertrified. My tummy is doing flipity flops :( Anyway i shouldn't really be talking about it because it only makes it worse.
I applied to go back working at the rec centre today for this summer. Only difference is i finally applied for the coordinator postion. I mean i've worked there just as long as anyone else thats on staff now.. day camp for three years. Who knows the job better than me. My first year there i was basically sitting there with Roc doing the work with her. Iknow what I'm doing. I realllly hpe i get this job. God this summer would be AWESOME then. I love camp and i just wanna help make it better.. (did that sound as dorky as i preceive it?)
Anyway I really don't have that much more to say. I have to go get ready to go anyway :( uggh i'll let you know how it went! Thanks for reading guys!

Peace and Blessings

I really want you Guys to do this.

I Really want everyone to copy and paste this into my comments and fill it out. If you're my friend you'll do it.. *pout*
WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF:
I committed suicide:
I said I liked you:
I kissed you:
I lived next door to you:
I started smoking:
I stole something:
I was hospitalized:
I ran away from home:
I got into a fight and you weren't there:
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY:
Personality:
Eyes:
Face:
Hair:
Clothes:
Mannerisms:
[1] Who are you?
[2] Are we friends?
[3] When and how did we meet?
[4] How have I affected you?
[5] What do you think of me?
[6] What's the fondest memory you have of me?
[7] How long do you think we will be friends or enemies?
[8] Do you love me?
[9] Have I ever hurt you?
[10] Would you hug me?
[11] Would you kiss me?
[12] Would you fuck me?
[13] Are we close?
[14] Emotionally, what stands out?
[15] Do you wish I was cooler?
[16] On a scale of 1-10, how nice am I?
[17] Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
[18] Am I loveable?
[19] How long have you known me?
[20] Describe me in one word.
[21] What was your first impression?
[22] Do you still think that way about me now?
[23] What do you think my weakness is?
[24] Do you think I'll get married?
[25] What about me makes you happy?
[26] What about me makes you sad?
[27] What reminds you of me?
[28] What's something you would change about me?
[29] How well do you know me?
[30] Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
[31] Do you think I would kill someone?
[32] Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you?

Back to School

I've now finished my second week back for my second year of MUN. I really missed school. I know i complian that i don't wanna get up and i don't wanna go but at least now i feel like i'm doing something productive with my life. I mean you don't get much satisfaction from changing a dirty diaper at the end of the day. But you do when you learn in Sexual Behaviour that God hates you because you enjoy the sex you have. What a crazy class! My anthro class is really cool too. i really enjoy that class a lot. Sociology is pretty cool. night classes aren't tat bad at all. and I get to see Ricardo pretty often cos i'm always out in town :) Ok i refuse to make this another entry all about Ricardo (sorry hun :P)
So we had this massive snow storm yesterday. There are pretty close to a million feet of snow outside my door. actually its more like 7.. cos its waaay ovr my head. Thats a lot of snow cnsidering i could see the grass on friday. Its a drift though.. we didn't actually get 7 feet of snow.. closer to 3 i would say lol pffft and i was supposed to go out last night too. Friday night i got to go out though. Ricardo and Me and Ashleigh and Steven and Kayla and Murrdogg all went to Doolys. Twas fun times. but Ricardo was looking at Murrdoggs butt.. and those other girls at the other table.. but i can't blame ...steven was looking too lol and he's OPRAH! and a lil barbra walters too.. in kaylas words.. he has a way of geting the truth out of you and making you cry!
well i think i'll go hop in the shower now and get ready for my day.. i think i have to get the bus to Ricardo's.. *groan*

Peace and Blessings!

2005 :)

It may have taken 5 and a half hours.. but today i realized it was 2005.. after looking at the notebook of the girl next to me in my sexual behaviour class. Where in the name of God did 2004 go? the year was seriously a blurr. I've had a great 2005 so far though. Ringing in the new year was absolutley awesome. I went to Barkleys with Ashleigh Steven Kayla Murrdogg and Ricardo, we met up with a bunch of people over there. I had quite the midnight kiss :) I spent alot of the first week of 2005 out to Ricardo's place... as i hate being in my house and his room mates were still out of town. he made me supper last wednesday night. It was soo sweet and sooo good. I'm seriously waiting for something to go wrong.. things just aren't supposed to be this great!
I started back to MUN today too. I have a hellfully long break. I have one class at 9-10:15 and another at 3:30 on tuesdays and thursdays! Its crazy! luckily on tuesdays Ricardo has a complimenting two hour break so i get to go visit him :) however thursdays will be hellish! i feel i'm gonna get a lot of reading done this semester! I read A Child Called It for the 5th time today! awesome book! i also got to take a nap today too! lol i'm still bloody tired though.
I got to see Phantom last night finally last night too. That play/movie is frigging Orgasmic! I could seriously get off just listening to the music! WOW.. just WOW.
well i guess i should go try and find something productive with the rest of my night. :)



LEAVE COMMENTS!!!!!!!!

Peace and Blessings :)

So here finally my friends you get to see the much talked about couple :) This is me and *MY* Ricardo :)

Me :)

Take the 100 Acre Personality Quiz!

Do this quiz and post your results in my comments! I love pooh!!
http://quizme.stvlive.com/poohpersonality/quiz.php

I know itys a bit early to do this with a week left to the year but i figure most of the next week i'll be busy and i shant have time to reveiw my year for my loyal readers :)

The easies way for me to do this is in seasons.

This year started out rather drearily. I spent New years home alone as i had broken up with stefan at the time and i spent time at a party full of couples. the breakup, however only lasted a few days and we got back together. I continued going to Mun but decided half way through my winter semester i didn't want to go back and that i was going to apply for a school in BC to do a communications degree.

In the spring I got a job working at my old high school as a tutor. Definatly a fun job. I got paid for doing a whole lot of nothing. it was quite fun. The end of the spring i also broke up with stefan for a second and final time. after three years of going out it was finally over. it was sad but we both know it was best. I also started hanging out with Sean at this point because i had been tutoring him at school.

This lil piece of writing best describes my summer so i just decided to quote this from my journal
One would say , on the outside looking in : Rhonda you lead a pretty screwed up life. And in most cases its true. I broke up with my b/f of three years to persue things i thought were beyond my grasp with him. I've decided on a whim that i would quit going to school here in my home province to aquire a degree i know very little about in a province where i barely know a soul and use my spare time hanging out with a guy whom i totally dig but really doesn't care about my existence when i'm not around. Yeah i can see how from the outside that would look strange. But oddly enough i am perfectly happy. For the first time , in a long time, i feel like i am in control of my own destiny. I am thinking and acting solely for myself. I know that sounds selfish , but for me its a rare occurance. I find myself constantly smiling about nothing and have discovered a new confidence i didn't even know i pocessed.However being completely taken for granted by this guy that I obviously have interest in does damper my mood every now and then. Sure from the outside looking in I do live a pretty screwed up life. But from the inside looking out i see a bright future ahead of me and a strong force pushing me to succeed.

Then in the fall i turned 19 while my parents were in Panama. Dear God i am lucky i only have one 19th birthday. Three day hangovers are not fun. In November i found out i wouldn't be attending school like i had planned.. but god opened a window and i met Ricardo :) I've spent the last month in the greatest relationship with the most wonderful guy in the whole world. someone who loves me and appreciates me. Something i didn't think could happen again... So even though the year started off pretty crappy its gradually gotten better and now i'm happier than i have been all year long. So Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you and Yours loyal readers. Thank you for being my friends, my family and my pick me ups in 2004 and i look forward to 2005 with my awesome friends and wonderful boyfriend.

**EDIT** I also worked with Erin this summer and it was hot! we talked about Sex.. A LOT! ( Happy Erin? LOL)

Peace and Blessings!

(don't drink and drive!!)

In response

Ok seems i have lost the comments from my page as i have updated how comments are recived. I would however still like to address the individual who in a previous comment, has accused me of using people. I feel there has been some type of miscommunication and i ask this person , who chose to remin annymous, to contact me so we can figure this whole situation out. I don't think i have used anyone and i apologize if i have made you , or someone you know feel this way. I'd like to think i'm a fair person and I hate to think someone out there is thinking ill of me for something i obviously did not even realize i was doing. I ask this person to please comment and tell when i have done or contact me via MSN, phone, or hey .. just come up and talk to me. Again i'm sure this is just a complete misunderstanding, because as anyone can tell you i am not in any way a malicious person and I try to be kind to everyone. again i'm very sorry. please get in touch with me so we can sort this mess out

Peace and Blessings!

Mood: Tired Music:When Doves Cry

Ok so its been roughly three weeks since i got my tonsils out. things are pretty much back to normal. i'm still a lil limited as to what i can eat but thats by choice because some things still hurt. I'm allowed out and about , driving and all as per usual. Wednesday I left the docs office dropped my mom home and went straight to Ricardo's .. I got there like 9:30am and he was still in bed. not that he or I complained about the situation.. hehe but that requires a journal with a different subject matter. haha My boy is gone home for christmas now and I miss him very much. Its amazing how attached you can get to a guy in such a short period of time... never thought it could happen. Espcially since i was so dead set against getting into a relationship again. But i guess when everything fell through with me going to BC in january it was like God was opening a window for me. I'm really lucky to have such a great guy who makes me feel so special.... has anyone else noticed that my posts have been focused solely on Ricardo lately? haha
Christmas is also next weekend. I'm not overly excited at all. I have absolutely no idea what i'm getting.. which is weird.. i usually do. But this year i have absolutely no desire to know what i have either. I dunno .. since i stopped believing in Santa and more recently since my Grandfather died 3 years ago it just hasn't been the same at all Christmas just seems to go by like any other day with the exception that i dress better lol. maybe i'm just being a scrooge. But really I'm the second youngest in my extended family .. so i mean the spirit of Santa and all that crap is gone and my family doesn't appreciate the true meaning of christmas like I do.. its weird i guess.
So this is what has become my weekly posting ritual. I promise to try and get better. I mean i've missed out on posting great things like when I fell ( or as i like to call it jumping without such a graceful landing) off the stage at benders or when i finally told David Guiney how i really feel about him. Oh well i'll have to save that for another entry. But right now i'll just focus on going to bed! Goodnight loyal readers

Peace and Blessings :)

P.S. to the person that left the comment on my other entry please see my reply?

This is something some people have been asking for.

As a lot of people know and a lot of people still don;t know i keep a journal at home of my thoughts and feelings, I write them in many different forms.. sometimes songs poem short essays or just lil descriptive paragraphs. I have had some requests to see this writing but as you can appreicate i'm not too comfortable sharing my inner most thoughts and desires. however i decided to share just one entry i wrote earlier this summer when i decided i wasn't going to return to MUN like most of my peers.

Have you ever felt like you were walking aimlessly through shadows and tangled knots of uncertainty? Never sure of how to reach your destination? Always questioning the direction of every step you take? Completely oblivious to anything your future may hold? I chose to throw the life plan everyone else had decided on for me out the window and choose my own path in life and now I feel lost. I am sure of my destination but completely and utterly insecure about the journey. But I refuse to let anyone take my hand and lead me to a safe place where I am unhappy about my life and my choices. I will venture into the deep forest of ambiguity alone and triumph when I reach the other side as the woman I want to be.