This weekend.

So thursday Night I started interveiwing for my summer staff. Its gonna be hard to chose thats for sure. soo many good interveiws. I hope the summer goes well. i don't want to let down the Board after all they've done for me.

Friday was the opening night for "The Angry 12" Opening night wasnt all that great. But what can you do. we all went out to Subway afterwards. It was awesome. Don gave me roses too. God love him. that man is awesome! he's soo sweet! I'm going to keep him :)

Last night I was in the show. It went excellent. It was at Rabbittown theatre. It took us a lil while to find it haha but when we did it was great. What a cute lil spot. We filled the house and the audience loooved it. Then we went to Jungle JIms afterwards. Everyone was just completely foolish. Poor Janet got picked on soo much. The cast went to Don's afterwards but i was soo damn tired I just had to go home and go to sleep. I slept almost 12 hours. it was awesome.

Today I'm just kind of chillin anfd taking it east. Tomorrow I have a big day ahead of me! hehe I get to hang out with Terry ! I'm soooooo excited! sooooooo sooooo sooooooooooooooooo excited!! hehe I don't think i'll be able to sleep tonight! i just can't wait. then tuesday I have to work at both of my jobs lol I have to go to the school then go to the rec centre for registration then home for supper then back to do more interveiws.. awesome. LOL i'm kinda looking forward to wednesday. heheas much as i'm looking forward to tomorrow though ehe

Saturday I also made a very very smart choice as far as I'm concerned. Said person is prolly reading this. I made the right choice. I gave you enouh chance to right the wrongs you made. No more chances. There will be nothing between us.. ever. You brought it on yourself and I feel sorry for you. I was right. You have a lot of growing up to do.

Peace and Blessings

Gone - Kelly Clarkson

I was telling someone about this song the other day. So I thought I would post it so he could get a good look at it.

"Gone"

What you see's not what you get

With you there's just no measurement

No way to tell what's real from what isn't there

Your eyes they sparkle

That's all changed into lies that drop like acid rain

You washed away the best of me

You don't care

You know you did it

I'm gone

To find someone to live forIn this world

There's no light at the end of the tunnel tonight

Just a bridge that I gotta burn

You're wrong

If you think you can walk right through my door

That is just so you

Coming back when I've finally moved on

I'm already gone

Sometimes shattered

Never open

Nothing matters

When you're broken

That was me whenever I was with you

Always ending

Always over

Back and forth, up and down like a rollercoaster

I am breaking

That habit

Today

You know you did it

I'm gone

To find someone to live forIn this world

There's no light at the end of the tunnel tonight

Just a bridge that I gotta burn

You're wrong

If you think you can walk right through my door

That is just so you

Coming back when I've finally moved on

I'm already gone

There is nothing you can say

Sorry doesn't cut it, babe

Take the hint and walk away

'Cause I'm gone

Doesn't matter what you do

It's what you did that's hurting you

All I needed was the truth

Now I'm gone

What you see's not what you get

What you see's not what you get

You know you did it

I'm gone

To find someone to live forIn this world

There's no light at the end of the tunnel tonight

Just a bridge that I gotta burn

You're wrong

If you think you can walk right through my door

That is just so you

Coming back when I've finally moved on

I'm already gone

I'm already gone

Oh, I'm already gone, gone, gone, gone

Already gone

I'm gone

New job.. again. lol

Well its been a week since I've updated so I thought I would just write a little something. I got hired on as the Day Camp Coordinator at the rec centre. Which just basically means I plan and manage the day camp program. I have my own staff of approx 10. How awesome is that. I start to interveiw and hire them on thursday :) so thats pretty cool.

My show is also on saturday night, at Rabbittown theatre at 7:30... I sure hope I can find the place. My parents aren't even going. there is a masterless men concert in here that night. oh well. i'm not torn up about it or anything.

Umm, what else can I tell you? May 24th was a let down. I did diddly squat. Not that I would have gone camping had i gotten the chance.. I'm not really the camping type.. as you can imagne. I don't see the appeal of waking up outside.. dirty.. freezing.. stinky.. and enjoying it... meh..

I did however get engaged. Jason asked me to marry him and I accepted. Jason is one of the nicest most sweetest most caring guys I know. I'm lucky to have such a great hubby :) Last night I showed him all the wedding plans.. but he told me i could only have one kid.. as opposed to the four I had planned on.. however I shouldn't argue because I finally found someone who's willing to put up with me.. its not something i should mess with. we discussed this after our wonderful night parking on signal hill... with Kayla LOL

so thats about all I have to say.. i'm pretty sure i'm forgetting something but I'll blog about it later if i remember.

Peace and blessings.

Philip Riteman

Today I had the great honour of listening to a man speak about his life. He's in his 70's I would suppose. Has a thick European accent. Why was it such an honor? He spent 4 years in Achwitz, probably the most infamous concentration camp the Nazi army had. I probably spelled it wrong. I sat there for an hour and a half and cried my eyes out as he described in vivid detail horrible things he witnessed done and had done. It was actually his job at one time to go into gas chambers.. pile bodies into a wheel barrow and then shovel them into an oven. He saw babies riped from mothers arms and just thrown into a pile.. and blindly shot with a machine gun.

However what really touched me was his reason for telling his story.. which he said he didn't talk about for 40 years, and hates talking about to this day. He said there are people out there who want to convince the world this didn't happen. and once people like him are gone then they have no one left with first hand accounts to tell others about it. he's telling out generation so we know never to let it happen again. never again. He wants this generation to conquer the world with Love. quite the concept. no one has conquered with hate and only hostility bitterness anger and hurt has come with it.. imagine what we could do with a world of love. I know I will never forget. He said that was his biggest fear. that people would forget him and his story. I won't. I will never forget seeing the tears in that mans eye when he pulled up his sleve and showed us his prisoner number.. tattooed on his arm as a permenant reminder of a painful past. God bless you Philip Riteman, I won't forget. Never Again.

Peace and Blessings

A Super Weekend.

So I had an awesome weekend.

Friday night I was supposed to go downtown, but we didn't and decided to hang out at Kayla'a instead. Not only did I get to hang out with my girls I also got to hang out with my new friend Tony. Which I really enjoyed. I look forward to hanging out with him more in the future.

Saturday night I got an unexpected invite to go downtown yet again, and I experienced downtown sober for the first time. People warned me that i would hate it.. but you know.. I loved it! i had an awesome time. I got to hang out with people i don't get to see very often and i just had an all around awesome time. Luckily I got the next weeks weather forecast too... Thanks for that Robert! :oP

Today I just kinda chilled at home and I had rehersal tonight. You people have no idea how thankful I am to get back into acting. I've missed it soo much and I hope this opens oppertunity for me to do it more often. its one of those passions I had almost forgot I had in me.

Again. on another serious note.. which i have been tending to do for the past few weeks when blogging.. I just want to express my sheer gratitude to God for blessing me with such amazing people in my life. My family and friends are just so awesome all the time. People get very few true friends in this life time and it is extremely evident to me who mine are. They appreciate me and I truly and honestly appreciate them to no end. God has made me wealthy with relationships that I can hold dear to my heart for a lifetime. I wouldn't be near the person I am today without the people who mean the most to me. You know who you are. You have been angels sent from heaven and I owe who I am today to the experiences and reactions and proactions we have shared. Dear God in your sons name I ask you bless those people who have helped to make me the person I want to be. Amen.

Peace and Blessings

I'm at work now..

sitting here in Mr Galloways earth systems class. My second one today. redundant? yes.

So the point of this post? I had a bit of an emotional breakdown last night and said some things i probably shouldn't have said. I blamed other people for my crappy mood and that wasn't fair. I chose to be in a crappy mood. No one can "make" me be in a crappy mood. I chose to be that way and I apologize for that. I was being reactive when I should have been proactive. If i don't like the way things are I should do something about it, not whine and hope something happens. Ricardo & Stefan, I'm sorry for the way I acted last night and I hope you can forgive me for my moment of selfishness. I'm not a selfish person and I do care deeply about other people and how their lives are. Thats just the way I am and I can't expect everyone to be like me too. Most people aren't and I accept that.

This week..

So this week I realized a few things. first off I think if cared half as much about myself as I do about other people I would be much much happier. I've cried for other people three times this week. And I've spent most of my week concenred about other people.. to the point i forgot to eat on two different days. Thing is I can't even see why I bother. Its like any time I try to make anyone happy that person or another tell me what it is I am doing wrong with MY life. Like i'm some kind of idiot for being concerned about other people. I know very well what I'm doing. It makes me happy to see other people happy. what brings me down is those people telling me its wrong to think that way. If i was doing it for gratitude I wouldn't do it at all.. as I rarely get any. Thats not what its about. Its about one human being reaching out to another when they need someone.
Secondly on a somewhat related note I also realized most of my stress comes from trying to please everyone. I try to please my parents by coming home on time, I try to please my girls by staying out and chilling with them, I try to please other friends by talking to them and getting to know them better and spending time with them, i try to please the people I work with by volunteering to take on more work than I can probably handle on my own..I leave very little time for me to understand whats going on around me. I guess i'm just used to having someone there to calm me down and hug me when I really need it. I can't remember the last time somebody hugged me because *I* needed it.
Its not that I feel underappreciated or anything. Thats not what I'm saying. I guess what I'm really saying is I miss having someone to keep me sane. Someone to hold me and tell me everything is going to be ok. Someone to tell me the world spins without me, because sometimes I tend to forget these things. I miss being loved. People just aren't meant to be alone.


..Peace and Blessings

Back to work..

Well finally I can say I am no longer unemployed. I started work at the school again Monday. The kids there really don't know how good they have it. I just took one of my tutoring periods in Mr. Galloways Earth Systems class to lecture the class on how good they have it now.. and when or if they get to MUN or CONA not to expect profs to be so accomidating to them. Its sick how many breaks you get in high school. Looking back on it the only thing high school really taught us about the real world is how it isn't. That being said I would give my right arm to go back to high school. I miss having that relationship with your teachers wheer you can go up and give them a kick in the arse.. or tell them exactly how you feel about everything. That was the great thing about St. Kevin's we always were a pretty tight group, Even if we thought we weren't.

I am also pretty damn exhausted this week. from ebing up late talking to having the horrid headache i can't get rid of.. I really am in need of some decent sleep. I think i shall take some pills to help me sleep tonight. I do however wanna get out of the Goulds for a bit tonight. this place can really suffocate a person if you're not careful. I hate to admit it but this place has really gone downhill. I used to pick up for it.. but its just not worth my breath anymore. Skeets and potheads is all you see. There are very few decent people left in here. Thank God I have my girls to keep me sane. I really wish I had moved to BC.. it definatly would have saved me a lot of heartache and I might be a bit further ahead now than what I am. Even though i would be back for the summer by now. Hopefully i'll get out of here for a bit if i can get the money to go to harlow.. Also the trip me and the girls are talking about taking next year would be awesome. It will be just like From Justin to Kelly.. except without that Biatch Alexa! hehe I can't imagine anything more fun than going down south with my girlies for a week. wow.. the trouble we could get into and the adventures we could have. those girls are my heart I swear!

Anyway I don't really have a whole lot more to say.. so have a great day ya'll!

Peace and Blessings!

" Rhonda, You're one of the nicest people I know"

The above title is a statement I have heard 12 times since last weekend. 12 times. Thats about 1 and a half times a day. and this makes me wonder. Am I treated poorly by the majority of people I let in my life because I'm "so nice".. Or am I this successful in my life because I am "so nice" or is it both? I just don't get some people. People will tell me i'm sooo nice in one breath and put me down in the next.. if I'm as nice as you people say I am .. wouldn't you make an effort to be nice back to me? would that just make sense? Or am I being crazy and bitchy all the time and you guys are just afraid to tell me? I'm actually quite perplexed about said situation. Maybe its just a classic case of "nice girls finish last". Because really if I am the nice girl you all say I am then i really need some explaination as to why every time i let someone new in my life they hurt me. I have to be a horrible person right? thats the only way this can make sense to me.

Anyhoo... the past week has been very relaxing. Just chilling out at home all last week. Hung out with the girls a few days. Rented Raise your Voice one night. Friday night went to Evans and wtached a movie and found out every possible mistake the director made Evan could find. haha Kinda funny. Had the Leo convention here in the Goulds the weekend too. That went a lot better than expected. Seems as though some of the male population of the 'round the bay Leos have matured a little since last year and have become tolerable. it was fun times. Went to the home show yesterday too. lol I keep forgetting every year why i don't like going there.. and then i get there and i'm like oooh yeah.. now i remember.. i don't like this place at all. Meh.. gave me something to do all afternoon. Anyway I have to be to work in an hour so i must leave you all.

Peace and Blessings

P.S. Happy 21st Birthday Ricardo!

Life's to do list.

So I was thinking tonight ( I know scary thought, eh?) about how I always talk about my lifes to do list.. that doesn't actually exisit. Its a compilation of ideas I have in my head about what I'd like to achieve and do in my life. I mean i'm sure its something most people have, but never really think about as a check list. I do. I have soo much I want to acomplish in my life, and roughly only 60 or so years (statistcally speaking of course) left to do so. So Here is my unoffical offical lifes to do list.. that I may or may not add to at a future date.

• See the Pyramids in Egypt
• Have someone love me as much as I love them
• Have a big wedding
• Raise beautiful children with a man who adores me
• Step in every ocean
• Sing in front of a crowd again
• Work PR for a major company
• Do a semester at Harlow
• See my girls happy and healthy with the lives they deserve
• Be kissed in a Gondola in Venice
• See Phantom preformed live
• Write the perfect song
• Write a novel
• See my parents retire and travel the world like they want
• Believe it or not, See Raylene get the life she wants
• To die with a smile on my face.

I'm not really sure what else I want to add to this. There are alot of little things I know I want to do, but all my major things are there for now. hmm I really don't know what else to say.

Peace and Blessings

PS Download "Breathe" by Anna Nalick.. yep

He's Just Not That Into You

Ok.. girls.. if you don't already own this book what the hell are you waiting for?! Kayla thank you for lending it to me, you're my hero! I'm gonna post a lil exerpt from it that I just read.. Man I Love this book

Hey Hot Stuff,
Can't wait til you get over that guy you were with. He sounds like a real jerk. Hope its soon. You're way too tasty to be alone for too long. Come find me. I'm out here waiting.

Your Future

Such a simple concept. Its pretty amazing I need a book to tell me something thats such common sense.

Peace and blessings

Half a 26er of Sourpuss + 3 smirnoff ice = one hell of a hangover

So my so called "wicked night" On George didn't turn out so wicked afterall. As you can see by my title, I got hella smashed. Waaaay too drunk than I ever should have been. However all was fine and dandy until I seen Ricardo downtown. I knew the possibility of seeing him was there.. just didn't realize that fully until I actually did see him. Wow.. I didn't see him for two months and I run into him twice on the same day.. what are the odds? I really thoguth i could handle that.. but with as much alcohol as I had in me when I tried to talk to him I just couldn't, I broke down. Its no big secret that I miss him. We alll know that. I know it. You know it. He knows it. I just don't understand why its still so hard for me.. its been over two months. GET OVER IT!

Secondly Evan picked me and Kayla up downtown last night. Thank you for that btw. I'm pretty sure I didn't say that. Anyway long story short Evan doesn't wanna hang out with me anymore. And i really have no clue as to why. What a way to top off my already brillant nigth downtown.

The moral of this story is the best part of my night was when I was hanging out, sober, with Darrin.

In closing

Dear Life,
Fuck off
Love,
Rhonda

I'm so thankful for friends like you

I know I've been somewhat of a sook for the past few months.. *naw really?* .. And I know how hard that can be to deal with sometimes.. and I want to thank each and every one of you for putting up with my crap. And yes.. I know.. my crap is still on going. But i just wanted to express my sincere thank you to each and every one of my friends who has put up with me and made me feel so much better about myself when, frankly, I've been feeling pretty worthless. I know its not like me to feel this way, and i really do know that there is nothing wrong with me.. but sometimes people do things to make you feel like that.. for reasons that cant be explained. You guys are absolutely amazing. Ash, Kayla, Murrdogg, Stefan, Terry, Jason, Darrin, Evan, Erin, Chris.. its 1am.. I'm drawing a blank.. anyone i may have forgotten.. I love you to pieces guys!

On to another note.. I'm finally done my exams tomorrow.. even though I know i'm gonna fail this one I'm not too worried. It doesn't go toward my degree so meh.. i'm not too concerned :) then downtown with my lesbian tomorrow night :) I love you Kayla! we're gonna get that place on the go again! My loyal readers can most definatly look forward to a drunken post tomorrow night :P

I'd like to end my post with a quote from a song By Will Young.. called Leave Right Now

I'm a little more careful, perhaps it shows? But if I lose the highs at least I'm spared the lows..

Peace and Blessings :)

I'll do just about ANYTHING to get out of studying!

LAYER ONE
[x] Name: Rhonda
[x] Birth date: Oct 28th, 1985
[x] Birthplace: St. John's, Newfoundland
[x] Current Location:Goulds
[x] Eye Color: blue and Yellow
[x] Hair Color: Black and pink currently
[x] Righty or Lefty: bothy
[x] Zodiac Sign: Scorpio

LAYER TWO
[x] The shoes you wore today: Super girl
[x] Your weakness: Sex
[x] Your fears: Drowning.. Dying alone
[x] Your perfect Cheese.. Tomatos, Brocoli, mushrooms. Zuchini
[x] Goal you'd like to achieve: See the pyraminds. Have children. Get Married.

LAYER THREE
[x] Your thoughts first waking up: Yep.. still the same
[x] Your best physical feature: My Butt.. obviously
[x] Your bedtime: 11:30ish on weekdays.. 3ish on weekends

LAYER FOUR
[x] Pepsi or Coke: Neither
[x] McDonald's or Burger King: Burger King
[x] Adidas or Nike: Nike
[x] Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Nestea
[x] Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate
[x] Cappuccino or coffee: Coffee.

LAYER FIVE
[x] Smoke: No
[x] Cuss: sometimes
[x] Sing: Alll the time
[x] Take a shower everyday: Yep if not more
[x} Do you think you've ever been or are in love? Yes
[x] Want to go to college: University, yeah
[x] Like high school: I loved it!!
[x] Want to get married: Someday
[x] Believe in yourself: If you don't believe in yourself you have nothing to believe in
[x] Think you're attractive: Of course.. i'm Hot!!
[x] Think you're a health freak: Umm not really but i;d like to be
[x] Get along with your parents: Occasionally
[x] Like thunderstorms: Nooooo
[x] Play an instrument: Vocal chords?

LAYER SIX:
In the past month:
[x] Drank alcohol: Yes
[x] Smoked: No
[x] Done a drug: NO
[x] Gone on a date: nope
[x] Gone to the mall?: Yes
[x] Eaten an entire box of Oreo's: Nope
[x] Eaten sushi: yes.. yummmm
[x] Been on stage: *sigh* how I miss that
[x] Skated?: Nope
[x] Made homemade cookies: Yep
[x] Gone skinny dipping: In the bath tub
[x] Dyed your hair: Yep
[x] Stolen anything: Nope.

LAYER SEVEN
[x] Age you hoping to be married: 26
[x] Numbers and Names of Children: 4 - Charleigh, Jordyn , Maurita and Jakub
[x] Describe your dream wedding: Big Beautiful and PINK!
[x] Where you want to go to college: MUN
[x] What do you want to be when you grow up: PR

LAYER EIGHT
In a guy/girl..
[x] Best eye color: Blue.
[x] Best hair color: Light brown..
[x] Short or long hair: Short-ish
[x] Height: taller
[x] Best articles of clothing: Every guy needs a good hoodie.. yup

LAYER NINE
[x] Number of drugs taken illegally: None
[x] Number of people I could trust with my life: 3
[x] Number of CDs that I own: I have no idea
[x] Number of piercings? where?:Just my ears, for now.
b[x] Number of tattoos: 2
[x] Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: A few
[x] Number of scars on my body: 1.
[x] Number of things in my past that I regret: Nothing
[x]Last car ride: About 4 hours ago?
[x]Last good cry: This afternoon
[x]Last library book: No idea
[x]Last movie seen:In theatre.. Sin city
[x]Last book read: Agrarian Revolt in a Mexican Village
[x]Last cuss word uttered: "Straighten the fuck up Rhonda.. you're better than this"
[x]Last beverage drank: Coffee
[x]Last food consumed: Chicken.. mmm
[x]Last phone call: umm Kayla?
[x]Last tv show watched: American Idol
[x]Last time showered: about 12pm today
[x]Last cd played: Will Young
[x]Last downloaded: Switch
[x]Last annoyance: Myself
[x]Last disappointment: ...
[x]Last soda drank: umm maybe three weeks ago
[x]Last thing written: Phone number
[x]Last word spoken: le sigh
[x]Last sleep: Last night
[x]Last weird encounter: hmm prolly would be something downtown
[x]Last time amused: haha when Darrin said splooge today
[x]Last time in love: two months ago....
[x]Last time hugged: Sadly i really don't remember.. possibly sunday by Jason
[x]Last chair sat in: Tim Hortons
[x]Last underwear worn: Musical ones
[x]Last time dancing: Tonight .. alone.. i'm not drunk.. yet
[x]Last show attended: Umm O'riellys for Fabes B-day

LAST PERSON WHO...
[x] Slept in your bed: Me
[x] Saw you cry: No one
[x] Made you cry: Ricardo
[x] Spent the night with: I don't remember
[x] You shared a drink with: Kayla
[x] You went to the movies with: Jason
[x] You went to the mall with: Jason
[x] Yelled at you: Mom,
[x] Sent you an email: Jor

HAVE YOU EVER...
[x] Said "I Love You" and meant it: Yes
[x] Gotten in a fight with your pet: Play fights
[x] Been to New York: No
[x] Florida: yes
[x] Hawaii: No
[x] Mexico: No
[x] China: No
[x] Canada: Yes
[x] Danced naked: Yes
[x] Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day: Yes
[x] Wish you were the opposite sex: Nope
[x] Had an imaginary friend: Yep

RANDOM
[x] Red or blue: Red
[x] Spring or Fall: Fall
[x] Are you bored: doesn't it look that way?
[x] Last noise you heard: How gay are you? - kid yelled it outside a few seconmds ago
[x] Last time you went out of the province: a year ago
[x] Things you like in a girl/guy: General attraction. Hes gotta be funny though, and easy to talk to and make me feel like i'm worth something..
[x] Worst feeling in the world: Unrquitted love
[x] How many rings before you answer: two
[x] Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: nope.
[x] Do you type with your fingers on the right keys: No
[x] What's under your bed: nothing
[x] Favorite sport to watch: Soccer
[x] Current Age: 19
[x] Siblings: 1
[x] Boyfriend/Girlfriend: No

EXTRA STUFF
[x] Do you do drugs: Nope
[x] Do you drink: Like a fish
[x] Who is your best friend: Ashleigh Kayla and Murr
[x] What clothes do you sleep in: depends. Sometimes pyjamas, sometimes t-shirt and undies and sometimes naked!
[x] Who is the last person who called you: Kayla
[x] Who do you really hate: No one, really, although i wouldn't mind seeing someone in great pain lol
[x] Been in Love: Twice
[x] What type automobile do you drive: 2003 Sunfire
[x] Are you timely or always late: Late
[x] Do you have a job: Yep
[x] Do you like being around people: I do.
[x] Best feeling in the world: Knowing someone love you
[x] Are you for world peace: Yes

STUFF
[x] Have you ever loved someone you had no chance with: Yeah
[x] Have you ever cried over something someone of the opposite sex did: Oh yes.
[x] Do you have a "type" of person you always go after: Jerks are great with me it seems
[x] Want someone you don't have right now: Very much
[x] Are you lonely right now: very
[x] Ever afraid you'll never get married: Nope

FAVORITE
[x] Room in house: My bedroom
[x] Type(s)of music: Pop?
[x] Band: Evanescence
[x] Day of the week: Friday, Saturday
[x] Color(s): Pink
[x] Perfume or cologne: So Pink
[x] Month: October

LAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU...
[x] Cried: Yes
[x] Bought something: Yes
[x] Gotten sick: yep
[x] Sang: Yes
[x] Said " I love You": Yes
[x] Wanted to tell someone you loved them: More than anything
[x] Met someone new: Nope
[x]Moved on: ...I'm not sure
[x] Talked to someone: Yes
[x]Missed someone: All the time
[x] Kissed someone: Nope
[x] Had a lot of sleep: nope

Just something. Please comment *sad face*

I shiver beneath my skin
So cold, so alone.
I used to draw my warmth from your presence
Like a flame for my soul
there was brightness, a flicker and nothing.
Darkness, alone once again.
Adaptation has set in and I ignore its cries
longing for companionship in its empty home.
If I feel nothing
I lose nothing.
Response is not needed.
though much desired by immortality
life needs it not.
Answers are often statements one does not want to hear
and questions need not be asked again
understanding is pain
pain is you.
Amnesia is bliss.
Bliss is the past.
looking forward scares me
staring backward hurts me
and beside me... nothing.
All my soul needs
is someone to embrace it.

By: Me

Nerds.. Fire.. hairspray and coffee

So tonight.. I was sitting down.. contemplating on wheter or not it would be another friday night spent in waste and my buddy Chris msgs me and asks me to save him from his younger brothers B-day party. So I picked him up and we went to the 99 cent store.. the adventure began.. lol

Chris spent 10$ on junk lol most notably caps and a lighter.. we built some sort of contraption out of them and set it on fire in front of my house.. spraying it with hairspray and the like. It was hilarious.. then we went to Tims and got like 4 coffee type drinks between us.. and never won a damn thing on the roll up the rim. Conversation also made me realize.. WOW I date a lot of losers.. whats the deal? I mean I've been on like a 19 year dry spell. Ugh.. boys. Did you ever notice no matter where you are and who you're with conversation always turns to relationships... dating.. sex.. its weird. hmm

Anyhoo I don't really have much to write so i'm gonna leave you with some song lyrics again.

"Since U Been Gone"

Here's the thing

we started off friends

It was cool but it was all pretend

Yeah yeah

Since U Been Gone

You dedicated

you took the time

Wasn't long till I called you mine

Yeah Yeah

Since U Been Gone

And all you'd ever hear me say

Is how I pictured me with you

That's all you'd ever hear me say

But Since U Been Gone

I can breathe for the first time

Im so movin on

Yeah yeah

Thanks to you

Now I get

What I want

Since U Been Gone

How can I put it?

you put me on

I even fell for that stupid love song

Yeah yeah

Since U Been Gone

How come I'd never hear you say

I just wanna be with you

I guess you never felt that way

But Since U Been Gone

I can breathe for the first time

Im so movin on

Yeah yeah

Thanks to you

Now I get I get what I want

Since U Been Gone

You had your chance you blew it

Out of sight, out of mind

Shut your mouth I just can't take it

Again and again and again and again

Since U Been Gone

I can breathe for the first time

Im so movin on

Yeah yeah

Thanks to you (thanks to you)

Now I get

I get what I want

I can breathe for the first time

Im so movin on

Yeah yeah

Thanks to you (thanks to you)

Now I get (I get)

You should know (you should know)

That I get I get what I want

Since U Been Gone

Since U Been Gone

Since U Been Gone

Yes.. two updates in one day

Its been awhile since I made a real update so I'll give you the "in a nutshell" version of whats been going on.

In the midst of exams right now. Wrote my first this morning. My sexual Behavious exam. It was pretty easy.. I'm clearly the sex master :P I have two more exams one tuesday and one next friday.. then DT next weekend :D yaaaay! I'm so excited to get out and have fun with my friends again.. Its been awhile since I got to hang out with all my friends.. seems the only person I get to hang out with a great deal is Evan.. and I don't even see him that often. BUt i guess everyone is busy with Exams .. and work.. and boyfriends. Not that there is anything wrong with that .. I guess i'm just looking forward to a break .

I also wanna talk about my new therapy that i've been doing called Naturopathy. Anyone who knows me has known about my back problems i've been having since grade 9.. and thanks to naturopathy and Dr Wang I've never felt this good before. Naturopathy is ancient chinese medicine. the method she uses on me is called the scraping method where she, literally, takes a spoon and rubs it down my back and hips for like half an hour. HOw it works it that basically she gives me deep tissue bruises. the brusing brings the healthy blood cells to the surface which in turn repair the damaged tissue. Anyone who is interested in learning more can ask me about it. I know its prolly boring to most of you but honestly if you felt as good as I do.. especially since about this time last year I was walking with a cane.. you guys would be amazed too.

Anyhoo thats really all i have to say. Leave comments guys!

Peace and Blessings!!

A Letter to a friend.. here's hoping he see's it some day

Dear Charlie,
There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about you. You were my best friend for over a year and you touched my life in ways you cannot even imagine. You seen me when to everybody else I was invisable. We wasted away a whole summer together and I learned more about life in those three months than I could have ever imagined. But i Really feel I let you down somewhere a long the way. I feel guilty about it constantly. I find myself wondering if there was something I could have done to save you from yourself, and the hideous black world that enveloped you. Chuck is dead to me. Charlie however is still alive.. but resembalance to Chuck is hard to find. I lost Chuck the night I saw him flying high.. screaming foul words at innocent people. Thats the night he died to me.
Was there something I could have done to save you from the drugs? Could I have stopped it? Or was it an endless battle i was doomed to lose from the begining?
I love you. I love you with all my heart and soul. I am here for you forever. No matter what. I know you're not going to read this. Its been almost 3 years since I last saw you. But you're with me every day. In my thoughts and in my prayers. God bless you Charlie. I miss you.

Love Forever,
Rhonda

Things I've learned at 19.

I know I'm only 19 years old.. and sometimes I act like I'm four.. but consdiering all I've been through I really think I've learned a lot about life for my age. Especally within the last year. Which has been most definatly the hardest year of my life.. but probably the best as well. Being in a horrible mood tonight I tried to think of all the things I have to be thankful for and all the great lessons I've learned at such a young age.. so I decided I should write some of it down.. so here goes:

If something is too good to be true.. most likely it is.. but you should never waste those good times. Because even in the roughest of times you can always go back and draw the happiness you felt from your memory and be warmed by its presence.

No matter what.. be able to laugh at yourself. Even when you do the stupidest of things if you can laugh at yourself no one can ever put you down.. even if you take a nose dive off the stage at benders.

Drinking is never a good idea if you plan on forgetting your problems. Drinking only magnifys an already intense emotion. And if you're not careful you'll end up sitting in the middle of a kitchen floor crying into some cranberry juice and vodka about how a boy broke your heart.

Thanks to a Garth Brooks song.. No matter how much you pray for something to happen.. God knows best. And even if he doesn't give you what you want.. he's giving you what you need.. and someday you'll end up thanking him for it.. so grit your teeth and power through it. Because in the words of a very wise english teacher.. tomorrow is a better day.

Say something nice about yourself everyday. You're your own worst critic.

Take "me" time.

Make time for the people most important to you at least once a week. A friendship needs love and attention to grow too. Not just relationships.

You're never to old for a basic anatomy lesson.. right Kayla?

Its ok to cry.

Never regret a feeling. Feelings are your souls way of talking to you.. and if its trying to say something you should probably listen.

Believe in something. Whether it be God.. yourself.. or the future. Everyone needs something to believe in.

Words to live by: Picture yourself as a cup.. and Love as water.. first you must fill the cup completely .. and it will overflow and spread around you.. if you just spill it everywhere .. you're left empty.

It's ok to admit to not knowing the answer.. or being confused.. just know its also ok to ask for help when you need it.

If you live for tomorrow you'll miss today

If you let a person become a lifestyle something needs to change. And if someone that loves you wants you to change.. they don't love you. Love means accepting you for who you are.. not wanting you for what you're not.

Alcohol will make you do things you normally wouldn't. Always rely on the buddy system when on George Street.

Never underestimate the power of a smile

Drugs ruin lives. Seriously. Don't do it.

Anger is a healthy emotion in small doses. Don't bottle it up and let it explode one day at the mall...

The most beautiful thin in the world is when a child smiles and says they love you. Children don't lie about things like that.

If you're incapable of forgiveness.. you're probably incapable of love

Don't worry about the little things.. bigger things are just ahead.

Your heart is a lot smarter than your head most of the time.

Try to go to sleep each day believing the world is a better place because of you.. not in spite of you.

Love makes the world go around.. not greed.

Live with intentions

Take chances.. walk on the edge sometimes

Do what you love and love what you do.. never settle for second best.

Sing in the car when you're driving with your friends.. even if you don't know the words... make them up, You'd be surprised how good it feels.

Watch the sun go down and come up again all in one night. and enjoy the stars.

Don't waste your time with people who are going to bring you down. Surround yourself with people who will lift you higher.

Being afraid of stupid things will get you teased.. a lot.. but it will also prove you're human.

If you jump.. you may fall.. but if you don't your feet will always be on the ground.

Its never too late. Ever.

there isn't a real unicorn petting farm. But the pretend one sure is fun

If you take the short cut.. you miss the scenery.

knowing isn't always enough

It is possible to fall in love more than once.

Don't hold grudges.. its pointless.

You don't always need to act your age.. its ok to escape sometimes.

Be different! " You don't get harmony when everyone sings on the same note"

The more you give the more you get back

Only say I love you mean it. and when you mean it say I love you


Summers are for romance.. even if its just in the movies.

Beauty comes in all sizes.. not just size 5.

Love. Love your family, your friends and most importantly yourself. You never know when you'll lose one

And most important
Be thankful. For everything. Period. You woke up this morning. You have absolutely no reason not to be greatful.

An odd week.

I'm in an off mood right now. I will warn you. I'm just feeling so spaced out.

I have all these random thoughts in my head. What if this is what its all about? What if we struggle our whole lives just to be disappointed in ourselves time and time again by our short comings? No matter how hard we work and how much we accomplish there are still those few small things you just can't seem to forget. Those things that overshadow your accomplishments and make you seem like a failure. In my Life I call this "The Charlie Complex". Of all the great things I have I still find myself thinking about the one thing I never could. This is not to say I want what I can't have.. it's just That I would like to know what life would be like. I guess life really is just a compilation of "What if's?"
What if I had moved to BC
What if I hadn't changed my life back in June?
What if I hadn't taken that semester off?
I know its all pretty silly. I am completely happy with everything I have in my life. I'm so thankful for all the blessings my Lord has bestowed upon me over the past 19 years. I wouldn't change anything if I could. I know everything happens for a reason and that God has a greater plan for me, but what if? Its only human to question ones dentiny right? Sometimes I just wish I knew what God had in store for me. Because sometimes its just hard to look forward in my life when i'm not really sure what it is i'm looking for..

I warned you I was in an odd mood...
there you go Evan something to read.