And the beat goes on..

"Missing Me"

I love the way it feels when you touch my hand

Don't wanna let you go

I love the way you say that I am the one

Don't understand why we can't go on and go on

Don't understand why

You don't belong in my arms

Ohh

And even if I cried a thousand tears tonight

Would you come back to me

And even if I walked on the water

Would you come out to sea

Now I can't spend my life standing by

Cause even when I miss you

You're still not missing me

It's funny how my heart just won't let it go

I just don't understand

It's crazy how the pain seems to overflow

The memories of you here with me by my side

I can't deny that you are the love of my life

OhhAnd even if I cried a thousand tears tonight

Would you come back to me

And even if I walked on the water

Would you come out to sea

Now I can't spend my life standing by

Cause even when I miss you

You're still not missing me

And I still cry for you

And I would die for you

I can't believe all the words I heard you say

And I still long for you

And I was strong for you

I can't believe that you'd throw it all away

I still cry for youI would die for you

I can't believe all the words I heard you say

I still long for youI was strong for you

I can't believe that you'd throw it all away

And even if I cried a thousand tears tonight

Would you come back to me

And even if I walked on the water

Would you come out to sea

Now I can't spend my life standing by

Cause even when I miss you

You're still not missing me

I still cry for you

I would die for you

I can't believe all the words I heard you say

I still long for youI was strong for you

I can't believe that you'd throw it all away

Now I can't spend my life standing by

Cause even when I miss you

You're still not missing me

*le sigh* someone comment to cheer me up

My week with Connor

So Connor went home yesterday :( I'm going to miss him soo much. I love that kid. He came to work with me on friday and he had soo much fun. Sitting by me on the bus he told all about what he was gonna do with me next time i went to Boston.. take me to the zoo, back to the aquarium to see the SHARKS, to six flags and of course he said shopping for shoes. We went out for chinese food on friday night too. We had an amazing time. Then yesterday morning he called me. He told me he was going to miss me and i told hm i would miss him more. then we started to argue which ended up with him threatening to come over and squat me. He asked me if I could mail myself to Boston :( I promised him though i;d be down by the time he was 8 ( that makes me 21 ;) ) Anyway I'm getting yelled at to go get a shower now so i'll update about the rest of my week later.

A bit of a long winded one tonight..

So a lot has happened in the last week. Its been pretty freaking awesome overall.

First off camp started and its been going really really well. A few minor hitches but i mean thats to be expected when running any buisness. The kids are enjoying it, the parents are pleased and my programming has been running smoothly. I haven't been getting to go as many places with the kids, but thats ok because i really enjoy the people i work with, so when the kids are gone i get to talk to Brenda or Nicole usually and they're cool chicks. PJ was right this job is awesome. Wow, I'm talking about my job lately as much as I used to talk about Ricardo before. Haha BUt i get money for this so its better :-P Sorry!

So also my family from Boston came on thursday. I got to see my little man on friday (Conner) God I love that kid. He's just soo amazing and soo smart. I've never met a kid so smart in my life. He was over tonight and we watched Gargoyles! he was telling me all this stuff about why people had gargoyles in real life and stuff. And about sharks.. of course. He's like a walking shark encycleopedia. he's coming on special event on friday at work.. haha there I go talking about work again...

So Friday was Canada day and me and all my girl cousins went downtown with Thersa and Suzy from Boston. It was freaking amazing. I drank soo much and never got hung over or anything. In a nutshell the night consisted of discussing out sex lives, almost having a porn star try out and dancing on tables with my God mother. And lets not forget getting an old man tossed out of the sundance fresh prince/Jazz style. word to the wise guys. Never lay your hands on a girl and have her scream no next to a bouncer downtown. LOL I had such an amazing night with them. I never really hang out with my family and it was just really super cool, we decided we were all going to go to Boston for thersa's 40th birthday in 3 years. So i'll be 21 then! woo

Other than That i've been rehersing for Birdcage for two weeks now. Thats going to be cool. I'm doing vocals. I'm a bit nervous as I swore after prom i'd never sing in public again But i hope i do well and get through it. Like i've said before i don't care what part I have as long as i get to be a part in the production. Dead Pan Alley is just filled with great people and good times. And not to forget Don trying to get me to give him the clap. God I love that man! haha also been making time for my most awesome girls. HOw I love them! and hanging out with my husband too. Yeah life is going good.

Anyhoo thats about all I have to say. I really should get to bed as i'm going to work at 8:00 tomorrow... hehe Night Night you gorgeous people you!

Peace and Blessings

A quote to live by

Some people always ask me of why I'm so accepting of things that happen to me. I just found this quote and it explains perfectly how I like live. I thought I should share.

"Maybe mistakes are what make our fate... without them what would shape our lives? Maybe if we had never veered off course we wouldn't fall in love, have babies, or be who we are. After all things change, so do cities, people come into your life and they go. But it's comforting to know that the ones you love are always in your heart... and if you're very lucky, a plane ride away" - Sex & The City

This is my new Rec Centre Shirt. I'm so freaking cool. :) Just thought I'd show ya'll!! hehe

So I had a pretty awesome last night. Me , Ash, Kayla, Adam and Jason all went out on an adventure. We went to the Kilbride Pimp House and we found a big sign that said Happy 46th Birthday Rhonda. When i get those developed i'll have to post that. Its pretty sweet. This Adam dude that hung out with us is one pretty cool chick. I enjoy him.. Kayla.. DO HIM DO HIM! Haha and we can drop Ash off to fuck Steven too. haha Fun times. I love my girls with all of my heart. You guys are super!

So tomorrow is also the first offical day of Day Camp. I'd be lying if i said I wasn't nervous. I mean if anything goes wrong.. i'll cry. haha but i don't foresee that happening. I have a pretty simple day planned. so finger crossed for me. anyway.. I don't really have much more to say. oooh wait yes I do. If any of my staff are reading this you guys really impressed me yesterday! You're awesome! Its gonna be a great summer if yesterday was any indication :-)

Haha That is all

Peace and Blessings



COMMENT!!

Another awesome day.

Reason #27 as to why I love my job : today I spent 5 hours of my 8 hour shift shopping.
It was such a beautiful sunny day out. If only my head wasnt so cloudy today would have been perfect *sigh*.. I told you the happiness wouldn't last long in that aspect of my life.. but meh.. I'm dealing a whole lot better.. I love everything else thats going on with me. Talking to Ashleigh about my issues today she said something that absolutely shocked me. She said that Ricardo and I need to get back together.. news to me.. I thought she didn't like him. Not likes its possible anyway .. or that I even want to. Just a shock to hear it coming from her.
So camp starts next week. That should be fun. We have our staff training on thursday so i get to spend all day preparing for that tomorrow. Should be fun times.
I dont really have much more to write.

Peace and Blessings :)

My weekend off!

So I finally had a weekend off.. and what a super-duper awesome weekend I had.

Friday night I went to Jasons house and hung out for a bit. It was super. I love hanging out with him :)

Saturday me and Ashleigh went shopping alllll day .. I mean from like 12 until 6. I got the most hot outfit ever. Like I look freaking retardedly wicked. I wanted some alone time with myself hardcore. Then saturday night I had my first date with my husband. Had a great time and saw a great movie. I wanted to pee myself it was soo funny.. but I didn't think that was proper first date manners.. you know? Good times all around :)

Today ( sunday) I went to the price club and future shop with my mommy and daddy and i ended up buying a new freaking computer. Like i wasn't even planning on it. Its awesome though. I can finally do stuff. My old one was bad... so very very bad. Sooooo happy to have this one!

So that was my awesome weekend. Soooo glad I got a few days off to chill and socialize. Can't wait until Canada day molson big birthday bash! Yay! my cousins from boston are coming up for it! tis gonna be super!! awww drunkeness.. how I miss you. I've been very well behaved as of late though so yay for me. I've just learned that i've been pretty reckless in the past year. Time for me to smarten up me thinks. too much drama and bullshit. I'm too good for that. anyhoo .. bed time work in the AM..

Peace and Blessings :)

Wow. Busy busy busy.

Its been a week since I've updated again. Been absolutely crazy with my job. Not that I'm complaining. I abso-freaking-lutely love my job. Like I look forward to going to work. :) *sigh* I can't believe I'm actually starting to be happy again... I wonder what I'm gonna screw up this time... wait for it.
I really wish I had something exciting to write about. But since last week i've worked everyday. Had first aid training the weekend. Umm went to a party on friday night. My husband ( Jason) actually came to the Goulds with me! I was super duper excited. Umm saturday night i went out to Jasons. Sunday had first aid Training again. then back to my 9-5 on monday.
Last night me and ash and kayla went out driving around with my video camera. It was Kinda funny. I also went to get the Hippo that Jason got for me ( which he insists on calling Rhonda.. kind of insulted I am ) We got some pretty funny video.. haha Kidney Fuck... we also found Osama Bin Laden. It was an awesome night. I'm getting a new lap top in a few weeks time and i'm gonna have all the video editing software for it so i'm gonna make a dvd documentary of our summer, its gonna be awesome :)
Anyhoo thats really all I have to say!
Peace and Blessings :)

Wow.Rhonda is one busy chick.

I know I say this a lot, but I freaking love my job. I have almost 7 weeks of my 9 week day camp planned in less than 3 days! wooo go me. under budget none the less. This is kind of a smaller scale of what I want to do with my life. I want to be PR. Organizing events. overseeing volunteers and staff. That kind of thing. I think its soooo awesome. I spent all afternoon in a meeting with the city staff who are basically doing the same job as me at other camps. not a fan of the city. I'm really glad our program is run seperate. I swear I wouldn't be able to tolerate most of those girls I met out there today. Holy sterotypical cheerleaders batman. I mean I'm pretty Bubbly.. but they were just tooo much. And I spent tonight doing up staff schedules. I'm not even on the clock. I love it.

The only down side to my job is my lack of free time right now. I worked 9-5 all this week, Saturday and sunday i have to do my first aid training from 9-5 . then 9-5 monday to friday again. Saturday we're preping for staff training then sunday is staff training and then another week of 9-5. I mean thats pretty hardcore right there. However when the summer programs actually start I'll have my weekends free again which isn't so bad. I won't complain about the money i'm making. 3 more weeks to a new laptop! woo . I'm sick of this stupid piece of crap.

So since my life has been pretty much work lately thats all I really have to write about. I have a feeling you'll be hearing a lot about my job over the next three months.

Peace and Blessings...


P.S Someone comment. I wanna know someone is still alive out there.

My freaking busy week has prevented this entry.

So I've been itching all week to write this entry.. so finally on friday i get the few minutes to sit down and write about my most amazing Monday AND tuesday with Terry. all I can say is *huge smile* wow. I haven't felt that great and had that much fin in awhile. I felt dare I say.. happy? However as I always say if something seems too good to be true.. it is. Terry went back to corner brook on thursday when I went to Lav Rock. I had the most amazing time though. Thank you Terry.

I had one heck of a week. work work work Lavrock work. Lav Rock was awesome. Had such a great time and such pretty weather. I can't complain. It was really a lil relaxing that I needed. Peer counsellors are always such awesome people. so easy to talk to and the like. I also offically hired my staff tonight. so it should be a good summer i hope. i'd like to think i made all the right choices when it came to the staff i picked. However there was one person I REALLLLLLLLY wanted on staff that i just couldn't get.. and that makes me sad. But I only got nine staff and I had ten that i wanted so someone had to get cut :( makes my little heart cry.

so I'm tired. I'm gonna go collapse and die for a bit


Peace and Blessings.

This weekend.

So thursday Night I started interveiwing for my summer staff. Its gonna be hard to chose thats for sure. soo many good interveiws. I hope the summer goes well. i don't want to let down the Board after all they've done for me.

Friday was the opening night for "The Angry 12" Opening night wasnt all that great. But what can you do. we all went out to Subway afterwards. It was awesome. Don gave me roses too. God love him. that man is awesome! he's soo sweet! I'm going to keep him :)

Last night I was in the show. It went excellent. It was at Rabbittown theatre. It took us a lil while to find it haha but when we did it was great. What a cute lil spot. We filled the house and the audience loooved it. Then we went to Jungle JIms afterwards. Everyone was just completely foolish. Poor Janet got picked on soo much. The cast went to Don's afterwards but i was soo damn tired I just had to go home and go to sleep. I slept almost 12 hours. it was awesome.

Today I'm just kind of chillin anfd taking it east. Tomorrow I have a big day ahead of me! hehe I get to hang out with Terry ! I'm soooooo excited! sooooooo sooooo sooooooooooooooooo excited!! hehe I don't think i'll be able to sleep tonight! i just can't wait. then tuesday I have to work at both of my jobs lol I have to go to the school then go to the rec centre for registration then home for supper then back to do more interveiws.. awesome. LOL i'm kinda looking forward to wednesday. heheas much as i'm looking forward to tomorrow though ehe

Saturday I also made a very very smart choice as far as I'm concerned. Said person is prolly reading this. I made the right choice. I gave you enouh chance to right the wrongs you made. No more chances. There will be nothing between us.. ever. You brought it on yourself and I feel sorry for you. I was right. You have a lot of growing up to do.

Peace and Blessings

Gone - Kelly Clarkson

I was telling someone about this song the other day. So I thought I would post it so he could get a good look at it.

"Gone"

What you see's not what you get

With you there's just no measurement

No way to tell what's real from what isn't there

Your eyes they sparkle

That's all changed into lies that drop like acid rain

You washed away the best of me

You don't care

You know you did it

I'm gone

To find someone to live forIn this world

There's no light at the end of the tunnel tonight

Just a bridge that I gotta burn

You're wrong

If you think you can walk right through my door

That is just so you

Coming back when I've finally moved on

I'm already gone

Sometimes shattered

Never open

Nothing matters

When you're broken

That was me whenever I was with you

Always ending

Always over

Back and forth, up and down like a rollercoaster

I am breaking

That habit

Today

You know you did it

I'm gone

To find someone to live forIn this world

There's no light at the end of the tunnel tonight

Just a bridge that I gotta burn

You're wrong

If you think you can walk right through my door

That is just so you

Coming back when I've finally moved on

I'm already gone

There is nothing you can say

Sorry doesn't cut it, babe

Take the hint and walk away

'Cause I'm gone

Doesn't matter what you do

It's what you did that's hurting you

All I needed was the truth

Now I'm gone

What you see's not what you get

What you see's not what you get

You know you did it

I'm gone

To find someone to live forIn this world

There's no light at the end of the tunnel tonight

Just a bridge that I gotta burn

You're wrong

If you think you can walk right through my door

That is just so you

Coming back when I've finally moved on

I'm already gone

I'm already gone

Oh, I'm already gone, gone, gone, gone

Already gone

I'm gone

New job.. again. lol

Well its been a week since I've updated so I thought I would just write a little something. I got hired on as the Day Camp Coordinator at the rec centre. Which just basically means I plan and manage the day camp program. I have my own staff of approx 10. How awesome is that. I start to interveiw and hire them on thursday :) so thats pretty cool.

My show is also on saturday night, at Rabbittown theatre at 7:30... I sure hope I can find the place. My parents aren't even going. there is a masterless men concert in here that night. oh well. i'm not torn up about it or anything.

Umm, what else can I tell you? May 24th was a let down. I did diddly squat. Not that I would have gone camping had i gotten the chance.. I'm not really the camping type.. as you can imagne. I don't see the appeal of waking up outside.. dirty.. freezing.. stinky.. and enjoying it... meh..

I did however get engaged. Jason asked me to marry him and I accepted. Jason is one of the nicest most sweetest most caring guys I know. I'm lucky to have such a great hubby :) Last night I showed him all the wedding plans.. but he told me i could only have one kid.. as opposed to the four I had planned on.. however I shouldn't argue because I finally found someone who's willing to put up with me.. its not something i should mess with. we discussed this after our wonderful night parking on signal hill... with Kayla LOL

so thats about all I have to say.. i'm pretty sure i'm forgetting something but I'll blog about it later if i remember.

Peace and blessings.

Philip Riteman

Today I had the great honour of listening to a man speak about his life. He's in his 70's I would suppose. Has a thick European accent. Why was it such an honor? He spent 4 years in Achwitz, probably the most infamous concentration camp the Nazi army had. I probably spelled it wrong. I sat there for an hour and a half and cried my eyes out as he described in vivid detail horrible things he witnessed done and had done. It was actually his job at one time to go into gas chambers.. pile bodies into a wheel barrow and then shovel them into an oven. He saw babies riped from mothers arms and just thrown into a pile.. and blindly shot with a machine gun.

However what really touched me was his reason for telling his story.. which he said he didn't talk about for 40 years, and hates talking about to this day. He said there are people out there who want to convince the world this didn't happen. and once people like him are gone then they have no one left with first hand accounts to tell others about it. he's telling out generation so we know never to let it happen again. never again. He wants this generation to conquer the world with Love. quite the concept. no one has conquered with hate and only hostility bitterness anger and hurt has come with it.. imagine what we could do with a world of love. I know I will never forget. He said that was his biggest fear. that people would forget him and his story. I won't. I will never forget seeing the tears in that mans eye when he pulled up his sleve and showed us his prisoner number.. tattooed on his arm as a permenant reminder of a painful past. God bless you Philip Riteman, I won't forget. Never Again.

Peace and Blessings

A Super Weekend.

So I had an awesome weekend.

Friday night I was supposed to go downtown, but we didn't and decided to hang out at Kayla'a instead. Not only did I get to hang out with my girls I also got to hang out with my new friend Tony. Which I really enjoyed. I look forward to hanging out with him more in the future.

Saturday night I got an unexpected invite to go downtown yet again, and I experienced downtown sober for the first time. People warned me that i would hate it.. but you know.. I loved it! i had an awesome time. I got to hang out with people i don't get to see very often and i just had an all around awesome time. Luckily I got the next weeks weather forecast too... Thanks for that Robert! :oP

Today I just kinda chilled at home and I had rehersal tonight. You people have no idea how thankful I am to get back into acting. I've missed it soo much and I hope this opens oppertunity for me to do it more often. its one of those passions I had almost forgot I had in me.

Again. on another serious note.. which i have been tending to do for the past few weeks when blogging.. I just want to express my sheer gratitude to God for blessing me with such amazing people in my life. My family and friends are just so awesome all the time. People get very few true friends in this life time and it is extremely evident to me who mine are. They appreciate me and I truly and honestly appreciate them to no end. God has made me wealthy with relationships that I can hold dear to my heart for a lifetime. I wouldn't be near the person I am today without the people who mean the most to me. You know who you are. You have been angels sent from heaven and I owe who I am today to the experiences and reactions and proactions we have shared. Dear God in your sons name I ask you bless those people who have helped to make me the person I want to be. Amen.

Peace and Blessings

I'm at work now..

sitting here in Mr Galloways earth systems class. My second one today. redundant? yes.

So the point of this post? I had a bit of an emotional breakdown last night and said some things i probably shouldn't have said. I blamed other people for my crappy mood and that wasn't fair. I chose to be in a crappy mood. No one can "make" me be in a crappy mood. I chose to be that way and I apologize for that. I was being reactive when I should have been proactive. If i don't like the way things are I should do something about it, not whine and hope something happens. Ricardo & Stefan, I'm sorry for the way I acted last night and I hope you can forgive me for my moment of selfishness. I'm not a selfish person and I do care deeply about other people and how their lives are. Thats just the way I am and I can't expect everyone to be like me too. Most people aren't and I accept that.

This week..

So this week I realized a few things. first off I think if cared half as much about myself as I do about other people I would be much much happier. I've cried for other people three times this week. And I've spent most of my week concenred about other people.. to the point i forgot to eat on two different days. Thing is I can't even see why I bother. Its like any time I try to make anyone happy that person or another tell me what it is I am doing wrong with MY life. Like i'm some kind of idiot for being concerned about other people. I know very well what I'm doing. It makes me happy to see other people happy. what brings me down is those people telling me its wrong to think that way. If i was doing it for gratitude I wouldn't do it at all.. as I rarely get any. Thats not what its about. Its about one human being reaching out to another when they need someone.
Secondly on a somewhat related note I also realized most of my stress comes from trying to please everyone. I try to please my parents by coming home on time, I try to please my girls by staying out and chilling with them, I try to please other friends by talking to them and getting to know them better and spending time with them, i try to please the people I work with by volunteering to take on more work than I can probably handle on my own..I leave very little time for me to understand whats going on around me. I guess i'm just used to having someone there to calm me down and hug me when I really need it. I can't remember the last time somebody hugged me because *I* needed it.
Its not that I feel underappreciated or anything. Thats not what I'm saying. I guess what I'm really saying is I miss having someone to keep me sane. Someone to hold me and tell me everything is going to be ok. Someone to tell me the world spins without me, because sometimes I tend to forget these things. I miss being loved. People just aren't meant to be alone.


..Peace and Blessings

Back to work..

Well finally I can say I am no longer unemployed. I started work at the school again Monday. The kids there really don't know how good they have it. I just took one of my tutoring periods in Mr. Galloways Earth Systems class to lecture the class on how good they have it now.. and when or if they get to MUN or CONA not to expect profs to be so accomidating to them. Its sick how many breaks you get in high school. Looking back on it the only thing high school really taught us about the real world is how it isn't. That being said I would give my right arm to go back to high school. I miss having that relationship with your teachers wheer you can go up and give them a kick in the arse.. or tell them exactly how you feel about everything. That was the great thing about St. Kevin's we always were a pretty tight group, Even if we thought we weren't.

I am also pretty damn exhausted this week. from ebing up late talking to having the horrid headache i can't get rid of.. I really am in need of some decent sleep. I think i shall take some pills to help me sleep tonight. I do however wanna get out of the Goulds for a bit tonight. this place can really suffocate a person if you're not careful. I hate to admit it but this place has really gone downhill. I used to pick up for it.. but its just not worth my breath anymore. Skeets and potheads is all you see. There are very few decent people left in here. Thank God I have my girls to keep me sane. I really wish I had moved to BC.. it definatly would have saved me a lot of heartache and I might be a bit further ahead now than what I am. Even though i would be back for the summer by now. Hopefully i'll get out of here for a bit if i can get the money to go to harlow.. Also the trip me and the girls are talking about taking next year would be awesome. It will be just like From Justin to Kelly.. except without that Biatch Alexa! hehe I can't imagine anything more fun than going down south with my girlies for a week. wow.. the trouble we could get into and the adventures we could have. those girls are my heart I swear!

Anyway I don't really have a whole lot more to say.. so have a great day ya'll!

Peace and Blessings!

" Rhonda, You're one of the nicest people I know"

The above title is a statement I have heard 12 times since last weekend. 12 times. Thats about 1 and a half times a day. and this makes me wonder. Am I treated poorly by the majority of people I let in my life because I'm "so nice".. Or am I this successful in my life because I am "so nice" or is it both? I just don't get some people. People will tell me i'm sooo nice in one breath and put me down in the next.. if I'm as nice as you people say I am .. wouldn't you make an effort to be nice back to me? would that just make sense? Or am I being crazy and bitchy all the time and you guys are just afraid to tell me? I'm actually quite perplexed about said situation. Maybe its just a classic case of "nice girls finish last". Because really if I am the nice girl you all say I am then i really need some explaination as to why every time i let someone new in my life they hurt me. I have to be a horrible person right? thats the only way this can make sense to me.

Anyhoo... the past week has been very relaxing. Just chilling out at home all last week. Hung out with the girls a few days. Rented Raise your Voice one night. Friday night went to Evans and wtached a movie and found out every possible mistake the director made Evan could find. haha Kinda funny. Had the Leo convention here in the Goulds the weekend too. That went a lot better than expected. Seems as though some of the male population of the 'round the bay Leos have matured a little since last year and have become tolerable. it was fun times. Went to the home show yesterday too. lol I keep forgetting every year why i don't like going there.. and then i get there and i'm like oooh yeah.. now i remember.. i don't like this place at all. Meh.. gave me something to do all afternoon. Anyway I have to be to work in an hour so i must leave you all.

Peace and Blessings

P.S. Happy 21st Birthday Ricardo!

Life's to do list.

So I was thinking tonight ( I know scary thought, eh?) about how I always talk about my lifes to do list.. that doesn't actually exisit. Its a compilation of ideas I have in my head about what I'd like to achieve and do in my life. I mean i'm sure its something most people have, but never really think about as a check list. I do. I have soo much I want to acomplish in my life, and roughly only 60 or so years (statistcally speaking of course) left to do so. So Here is my unoffical offical lifes to do list.. that I may or may not add to at a future date.

• See the Pyramids in Egypt
• Have someone love me as much as I love them
• Have a big wedding
• Raise beautiful children with a man who adores me
• Step in every ocean
• Sing in front of a crowd again
• Work PR for a major company
• Do a semester at Harlow
• See my girls happy and healthy with the lives they deserve
• Be kissed in a Gondola in Venice
• See Phantom preformed live
• Write the perfect song
• Write a novel
• See my parents retire and travel the world like they want
• Believe it or not, See Raylene get the life she wants
• To die with a smile on my face.

I'm not really sure what else I want to add to this. There are alot of little things I know I want to do, but all my major things are there for now. hmm I really don't know what else to say.

Peace and Blessings

PS Download "Breathe" by Anna Nalick.. yep

He's Just Not That Into You

Ok.. girls.. if you don't already own this book what the hell are you waiting for?! Kayla thank you for lending it to me, you're my hero! I'm gonna post a lil exerpt from it that I just read.. Man I Love this book

Hey Hot Stuff,
Can't wait til you get over that guy you were with. He sounds like a real jerk. Hope its soon. You're way too tasty to be alone for too long. Come find me. I'm out here waiting.

Your Future

Such a simple concept. Its pretty amazing I need a book to tell me something thats such common sense.

Peace and blessings

Half a 26er of Sourpuss + 3 smirnoff ice = one hell of a hangover

So my so called "wicked night" On George didn't turn out so wicked afterall. As you can see by my title, I got hella smashed. Waaaay too drunk than I ever should have been. However all was fine and dandy until I seen Ricardo downtown. I knew the possibility of seeing him was there.. just didn't realize that fully until I actually did see him. Wow.. I didn't see him for two months and I run into him twice on the same day.. what are the odds? I really thoguth i could handle that.. but with as much alcohol as I had in me when I tried to talk to him I just couldn't, I broke down. Its no big secret that I miss him. We alll know that. I know it. You know it. He knows it. I just don't understand why its still so hard for me.. its been over two months. GET OVER IT!

Secondly Evan picked me and Kayla up downtown last night. Thank you for that btw. I'm pretty sure I didn't say that. Anyway long story short Evan doesn't wanna hang out with me anymore. And i really have no clue as to why. What a way to top off my already brillant nigth downtown.

The moral of this story is the best part of my night was when I was hanging out, sober, with Darrin.

In closing

Dear Life,
Fuck off
Love,
Rhonda

I'm so thankful for friends like you

I know I've been somewhat of a sook for the past few months.. *naw really?* .. And I know how hard that can be to deal with sometimes.. and I want to thank each and every one of you for putting up with my crap. And yes.. I know.. my crap is still on going. But i just wanted to express my sincere thank you to each and every one of my friends who has put up with me and made me feel so much better about myself when, frankly, I've been feeling pretty worthless. I know its not like me to feel this way, and i really do know that there is nothing wrong with me.. but sometimes people do things to make you feel like that.. for reasons that cant be explained. You guys are absolutely amazing. Ash, Kayla, Murrdogg, Stefan, Terry, Jason, Darrin, Evan, Erin, Chris.. its 1am.. I'm drawing a blank.. anyone i may have forgotten.. I love you to pieces guys!

On to another note.. I'm finally done my exams tomorrow.. even though I know i'm gonna fail this one I'm not too worried. It doesn't go toward my degree so meh.. i'm not too concerned :) then downtown with my lesbian tomorrow night :) I love you Kayla! we're gonna get that place on the go again! My loyal readers can most definatly look forward to a drunken post tomorrow night :P

I'd like to end my post with a quote from a song By Will Young.. called Leave Right Now

I'm a little more careful, perhaps it shows? But if I lose the highs at least I'm spared the lows..

Peace and Blessings :)

I'll do just about ANYTHING to get out of studying!

LAYER ONE
[x] Name: Rhonda
[x] Birth date: Oct 28th, 1985
[x] Birthplace: St. John's, Newfoundland
[x] Current Location:Goulds
[x] Eye Color: blue and Yellow
[x] Hair Color: Black and pink currently
[x] Righty or Lefty: bothy
[x] Zodiac Sign: Scorpio

LAYER TWO
[x] The shoes you wore today: Super girl
[x] Your weakness: Sex
[x] Your fears: Drowning.. Dying alone
[x] Your perfect Cheese.. Tomatos, Brocoli, mushrooms. Zuchini
[x] Goal you'd like to achieve: See the pyraminds. Have children. Get Married.

LAYER THREE
[x] Your thoughts first waking up: Yep.. still the same
[x] Your best physical feature: My Butt.. obviously
[x] Your bedtime: 11:30ish on weekdays.. 3ish on weekends

LAYER FOUR
[x] Pepsi or Coke: Neither
[x] McDonald's or Burger King: Burger King
[x] Adidas or Nike: Nike
[x] Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Nestea
[x] Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate
[x] Cappuccino or coffee: Coffee.

LAYER FIVE
[x] Smoke: No
[x] Cuss: sometimes
[x] Sing: Alll the time
[x] Take a shower everyday: Yep if not more
[x} Do you think you've ever been or are in love? Yes
[x] Want to go to college: University, yeah
[x] Like high school: I loved it!!
[x] Want to get married: Someday
[x] Believe in yourself: If you don't believe in yourself you have nothing to believe in
[x] Think you're attractive: Of course.. i'm Hot!!
[x] Think you're a health freak: Umm not really but i;d like to be
[x] Get along with your parents: Occasionally
[x] Like thunderstorms: Nooooo
[x] Play an instrument: Vocal chords?

LAYER SIX:
In the past month:
[x] Drank alcohol: Yes
[x] Smoked: No
[x] Done a drug: NO
[x] Gone on a date: nope
[x] Gone to the mall?: Yes
[x] Eaten an entire box of Oreo's: Nope
[x] Eaten sushi: yes.. yummmm
[x] Been on stage: *sigh* how I miss that
[x] Skated?: Nope
[x] Made homemade cookies: Yep
[x] Gone skinny dipping: In the bath tub
[x] Dyed your hair: Yep
[x] Stolen anything: Nope.

LAYER SEVEN
[x] Age you hoping to be married: 26
[x] Numbers and Names of Children: 4 - Charleigh, Jordyn , Maurita and Jakub
[x] Describe your dream wedding: Big Beautiful and PINK!
[x] Where you want to go to college: MUN
[x] What do you want to be when you grow up: PR

LAYER EIGHT
In a guy/girl..
[x] Best eye color: Blue.
[x] Best hair color: Light brown..
[x] Short or long hair: Short-ish
[x] Height: taller
[x] Best articles of clothing: Every guy needs a good hoodie.. yup

LAYER NINE
[x] Number of drugs taken illegally: None
[x] Number of people I could trust with my life: 3
[x] Number of CDs that I own: I have no idea
[x] Number of piercings? where?:Just my ears, for now.
b[x] Number of tattoos: 2
[x] Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: A few
[x] Number of scars on my body: 1.
[x] Number of things in my past that I regret: Nothing
[x]Last car ride: About 4 hours ago?
[x]Last good cry: This afternoon
[x]Last library book: No idea
[x]Last movie seen:In theatre.. Sin city
[x]Last book read: Agrarian Revolt in a Mexican Village
[x]Last cuss word uttered: "Straighten the fuck up Rhonda.. you're better than this"
[x]Last beverage drank: Coffee
[x]Last food consumed: Chicken.. mmm
[x]Last phone call: umm Kayla?
[x]Last tv show watched: American Idol
[x]Last time showered: about 12pm today
[x]Last cd played: Will Young
[x]Last downloaded: Switch
[x]Last annoyance: Myself
[x]Last disappointment: ...
[x]Last soda drank: umm maybe three weeks ago
[x]Last thing written: Phone number
[x]Last word spoken: le sigh
[x]Last sleep: Last night
[x]Last weird encounter: hmm prolly would be something downtown
[x]Last time amused: haha when Darrin said splooge today
[x]Last time in love: two months ago....
[x]Last time hugged: Sadly i really don't remember.. possibly sunday by Jason
[x]Last chair sat in: Tim Hortons
[x]Last underwear worn: Musical ones
[x]Last time dancing: Tonight .. alone.. i'm not drunk.. yet
[x]Last show attended: Umm O'riellys for Fabes B-day

LAST PERSON WHO...
[x] Slept in your bed: Me
[x] Saw you cry: No one
[x] Made you cry: Ricardo
[x] Spent the night with: I don't remember
[x] You shared a drink with: Kayla
[x] You went to the movies with: Jason
[x] You went to the mall with: Jason
[x] Yelled at you: Mom,
[x] Sent you an email: Jor

HAVE YOU EVER...
[x] Said "I Love You" and meant it: Yes
[x] Gotten in a fight with your pet: Play fights
[x] Been to New York: No
[x] Florida: yes
[x] Hawaii: No
[x] Mexico: No
[x] China: No
[x] Canada: Yes
[x] Danced naked: Yes
[x] Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day: Yes
[x] Wish you were the opposite sex: Nope
[x] Had an imaginary friend: Yep

RANDOM
[x] Red or blue: Red
[x] Spring or Fall: Fall
[x] Are you bored: doesn't it look that way?
[x] Last noise you heard: How gay are you? - kid yelled it outside a few seconmds ago
[x] Last time you went out of the province: a year ago
[x] Things you like in a girl/guy: General attraction. Hes gotta be funny though, and easy to talk to and make me feel like i'm worth something..
[x] Worst feeling in the world: Unrquitted love
[x] How many rings before you answer: two
[x] Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: nope.
[x] Do you type with your fingers on the right keys: No
[x] What's under your bed: nothing
[x] Favorite sport to watch: Soccer
[x] Current Age: 19
[x] Siblings: 1
[x] Boyfriend/Girlfriend: No

EXTRA STUFF
[x] Do you do drugs: Nope
[x] Do you drink: Like a fish
[x] Who is your best friend: Ashleigh Kayla and Murr
[x] What clothes do you sleep in: depends. Sometimes pyjamas, sometimes t-shirt and undies and sometimes naked!
[x] Who is the last person who called you: Kayla
[x] Who do you really hate: No one, really, although i wouldn't mind seeing someone in great pain lol
[x] Been in Love: Twice
[x] What type automobile do you drive: 2003 Sunfire
[x] Are you timely or always late: Late
[x] Do you have a job: Yep
[x] Do you like being around people: I do.
[x] Best feeling in the world: Knowing someone love you
[x] Are you for world peace: Yes

STUFF
[x] Have you ever loved someone you had no chance with: Yeah
[x] Have you ever cried over something someone of the opposite sex did: Oh yes.
[x] Do you have a "type" of person you always go after: Jerks are great with me it seems
[x] Want someone you don't have right now: Very much
[x] Are you lonely right now: very
[x] Ever afraid you'll never get married: Nope

FAVORITE
[x] Room in house: My bedroom
[x] Type(s)of music: Pop?
[x] Band: Evanescence
[x] Day of the week: Friday, Saturday
[x] Color(s): Pink
[x] Perfume or cologne: So Pink
[x] Month: October

LAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU...
[x] Cried: Yes
[x] Bought something: Yes
[x] Gotten sick: yep
[x] Sang: Yes
[x] Said " I love You": Yes
[x] Wanted to tell someone you loved them: More than anything
[x] Met someone new: Nope
[x]Moved on: ...I'm not sure
[x] Talked to someone: Yes
[x]Missed someone: All the time
[x] Kissed someone: Nope
[x] Had a lot of sleep: nope

Just something. Please comment *sad face*

I shiver beneath my skin
So cold, so alone.
I used to draw my warmth from your presence
Like a flame for my soul
there was brightness, a flicker and nothing.
Darkness, alone once again.
Adaptation has set in and I ignore its cries
longing for companionship in its empty home.
If I feel nothing
I lose nothing.
Response is not needed.
though much desired by immortality
life needs it not.
Answers are often statements one does not want to hear
and questions need not be asked again
understanding is pain
pain is you.
Amnesia is bliss.
Bliss is the past.
looking forward scares me
staring backward hurts me
and beside me... nothing.
All my soul needs
is someone to embrace it.

By: Me

Nerds.. Fire.. hairspray and coffee

So tonight.. I was sitting down.. contemplating on wheter or not it would be another friday night spent in waste and my buddy Chris msgs me and asks me to save him from his younger brothers B-day party. So I picked him up and we went to the 99 cent store.. the adventure began.. lol

Chris spent 10$ on junk lol most notably caps and a lighter.. we built some sort of contraption out of them and set it on fire in front of my house.. spraying it with hairspray and the like. It was hilarious.. then we went to Tims and got like 4 coffee type drinks between us.. and never won a damn thing on the roll up the rim. Conversation also made me realize.. WOW I date a lot of losers.. whats the deal? I mean I've been on like a 19 year dry spell. Ugh.. boys. Did you ever notice no matter where you are and who you're with conversation always turns to relationships... dating.. sex.. its weird. hmm

Anyhoo I don't really have much to write so i'm gonna leave you with some song lyrics again.

"Since U Been Gone"

Here's the thing

we started off friends

It was cool but it was all pretend

Yeah yeah

Since U Been Gone

You dedicated

you took the time

Wasn't long till I called you mine

Yeah Yeah

Since U Been Gone

And all you'd ever hear me say

Is how I pictured me with you

That's all you'd ever hear me say

But Since U Been Gone

I can breathe for the first time

Im so movin on

Yeah yeah

Thanks to you

Now I get

What I want

Since U Been Gone

How can I put it?

you put me on

I even fell for that stupid love song

Yeah yeah

Since U Been Gone

How come I'd never hear you say

I just wanna be with you

I guess you never felt that way

But Since U Been Gone

I can breathe for the first time

Im so movin on

Yeah yeah

Thanks to you

Now I get I get what I want

Since U Been Gone

You had your chance you blew it

Out of sight, out of mind

Shut your mouth I just can't take it

Again and again and again and again

Since U Been Gone

I can breathe for the first time

Im so movin on

Yeah yeah

Thanks to you (thanks to you)

Now I get

I get what I want

I can breathe for the first time

Im so movin on

Yeah yeah

Thanks to you (thanks to you)

Now I get (I get)

You should know (you should know)

That I get I get what I want

Since U Been Gone

Since U Been Gone

Since U Been Gone

Yes.. two updates in one day

Its been awhile since I made a real update so I'll give you the "in a nutshell" version of whats been going on.

In the midst of exams right now. Wrote my first this morning. My sexual Behavious exam. It was pretty easy.. I'm clearly the sex master :P I have two more exams one tuesday and one next friday.. then DT next weekend :D yaaaay! I'm so excited to get out and have fun with my friends again.. Its been awhile since I got to hang out with all my friends.. seems the only person I get to hang out with a great deal is Evan.. and I don't even see him that often. BUt i guess everyone is busy with Exams .. and work.. and boyfriends. Not that there is anything wrong with that .. I guess i'm just looking forward to a break .

I also wanna talk about my new therapy that i've been doing called Naturopathy. Anyone who knows me has known about my back problems i've been having since grade 9.. and thanks to naturopathy and Dr Wang I've never felt this good before. Naturopathy is ancient chinese medicine. the method she uses on me is called the scraping method where she, literally, takes a spoon and rubs it down my back and hips for like half an hour. HOw it works it that basically she gives me deep tissue bruises. the brusing brings the healthy blood cells to the surface which in turn repair the damaged tissue. Anyone who is interested in learning more can ask me about it. I know its prolly boring to most of you but honestly if you felt as good as I do.. especially since about this time last year I was walking with a cane.. you guys would be amazed too.

Anyhoo thats really all i have to say. Leave comments guys!

Peace and Blessings!!

A Letter to a friend.. here's hoping he see's it some day

Dear Charlie,
There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about you. You were my best friend for over a year and you touched my life in ways you cannot even imagine. You seen me when to everybody else I was invisable. We wasted away a whole summer together and I learned more about life in those three months than I could have ever imagined. But i Really feel I let you down somewhere a long the way. I feel guilty about it constantly. I find myself wondering if there was something I could have done to save you from yourself, and the hideous black world that enveloped you. Chuck is dead to me. Charlie however is still alive.. but resembalance to Chuck is hard to find. I lost Chuck the night I saw him flying high.. screaming foul words at innocent people. Thats the night he died to me.
Was there something I could have done to save you from the drugs? Could I have stopped it? Or was it an endless battle i was doomed to lose from the begining?
I love you. I love you with all my heart and soul. I am here for you forever. No matter what. I know you're not going to read this. Its been almost 3 years since I last saw you. But you're with me every day. In my thoughts and in my prayers. God bless you Charlie. I miss you.

Love Forever,
Rhonda

Things I've learned at 19.

I know I'm only 19 years old.. and sometimes I act like I'm four.. but consdiering all I've been through I really think I've learned a lot about life for my age. Especally within the last year. Which has been most definatly the hardest year of my life.. but probably the best as well. Being in a horrible mood tonight I tried to think of all the things I have to be thankful for and all the great lessons I've learned at such a young age.. so I decided I should write some of it down.. so here goes:

If something is too good to be true.. most likely it is.. but you should never waste those good times. Because even in the roughest of times you can always go back and draw the happiness you felt from your memory and be warmed by its presence.

No matter what.. be able to laugh at yourself. Even when you do the stupidest of things if you can laugh at yourself no one can ever put you down.. even if you take a nose dive off the stage at benders.

Drinking is never a good idea if you plan on forgetting your problems. Drinking only magnifys an already intense emotion. And if you're not careful you'll end up sitting in the middle of a kitchen floor crying into some cranberry juice and vodka about how a boy broke your heart.

Thanks to a Garth Brooks song.. No matter how much you pray for something to happen.. God knows best. And even if he doesn't give you what you want.. he's giving you what you need.. and someday you'll end up thanking him for it.. so grit your teeth and power through it. Because in the words of a very wise english teacher.. tomorrow is a better day.

Say something nice about yourself everyday. You're your own worst critic.

Take "me" time.

Make time for the people most important to you at least once a week. A friendship needs love and attention to grow too. Not just relationships.

You're never to old for a basic anatomy lesson.. right Kayla?

Its ok to cry.

Never regret a feeling. Feelings are your souls way of talking to you.. and if its trying to say something you should probably listen.

Believe in something. Whether it be God.. yourself.. or the future. Everyone needs something to believe in.

Words to live by: Picture yourself as a cup.. and Love as water.. first you must fill the cup completely .. and it will overflow and spread around you.. if you just spill it everywhere .. you're left empty.

It's ok to admit to not knowing the answer.. or being confused.. just know its also ok to ask for help when you need it.

If you live for tomorrow you'll miss today

If you let a person become a lifestyle something needs to change. And if someone that loves you wants you to change.. they don't love you. Love means accepting you for who you are.. not wanting you for what you're not.

Alcohol will make you do things you normally wouldn't. Always rely on the buddy system when on George Street.

Never underestimate the power of a smile

Drugs ruin lives. Seriously. Don't do it.

Anger is a healthy emotion in small doses. Don't bottle it up and let it explode one day at the mall...

The most beautiful thin in the world is when a child smiles and says they love you. Children don't lie about things like that.

If you're incapable of forgiveness.. you're probably incapable of love

Don't worry about the little things.. bigger things are just ahead.

Your heart is a lot smarter than your head most of the time.

Try to go to sleep each day believing the world is a better place because of you.. not in spite of you.

Love makes the world go around.. not greed.

Live with intentions

Take chances.. walk on the edge sometimes

Do what you love and love what you do.. never settle for second best.

Sing in the car when you're driving with your friends.. even if you don't know the words... make them up, You'd be surprised how good it feels.

Watch the sun go down and come up again all in one night. and enjoy the stars.

Don't waste your time with people who are going to bring you down. Surround yourself with people who will lift you higher.

Being afraid of stupid things will get you teased.. a lot.. but it will also prove you're human.

If you jump.. you may fall.. but if you don't your feet will always be on the ground.

Its never too late. Ever.

there isn't a real unicorn petting farm. But the pretend one sure is fun

If you take the short cut.. you miss the scenery.

knowing isn't always enough

It is possible to fall in love more than once.

Don't hold grudges.. its pointless.

You don't always need to act your age.. its ok to escape sometimes.

Be different! " You don't get harmony when everyone sings on the same note"

The more you give the more you get back

Only say I love you mean it. and when you mean it say I love you


Summers are for romance.. even if its just in the movies.

Beauty comes in all sizes.. not just size 5.

Love. Love your family, your friends and most importantly yourself. You never know when you'll lose one

And most important
Be thankful. For everything. Period. You woke up this morning. You have absolutely no reason not to be greatful.

An odd week.

I'm in an off mood right now. I will warn you. I'm just feeling so spaced out.

I have all these random thoughts in my head. What if this is what its all about? What if we struggle our whole lives just to be disappointed in ourselves time and time again by our short comings? No matter how hard we work and how much we accomplish there are still those few small things you just can't seem to forget. Those things that overshadow your accomplishments and make you seem like a failure. In my Life I call this "The Charlie Complex". Of all the great things I have I still find myself thinking about the one thing I never could. This is not to say I want what I can't have.. it's just That I would like to know what life would be like. I guess life really is just a compilation of "What if's?"
What if I had moved to BC
What if I hadn't changed my life back in June?
What if I hadn't taken that semester off?
I know its all pretty silly. I am completely happy with everything I have in my life. I'm so thankful for all the blessings my Lord has bestowed upon me over the past 19 years. I wouldn't change anything if I could. I know everything happens for a reason and that God has a greater plan for me, but what if? Its only human to question ones dentiny right? Sometimes I just wish I knew what God had in store for me. Because sometimes its just hard to look forward in my life when i'm not really sure what it is i'm looking for..

I warned you I was in an odd mood...
there you go Evan something to read.

Last night I almost died.

Words that will forever haunt my mind " Left right or Fire Hydrant?". LOL You don't put pressure on me like that Evan!! Let this be a lesson. Forks in the road are never our friends.

Anyway On to the real reason for this entry. Does anyone ( I know Ash and Kayla will for sure) remember the infamous lollipop that I went on about for ooooh two weeks and how awesome it was? Yeah I thought so. Evan bought me TWO of them last night! Its a tie for the Happiest night of my life ( tied with when I hugged Bill Gregory on saturday night lol) this year. Evan is now my new favorite person for yesterday and today. Possibly tomorrow. But he said he doesn't wanna see me anymore now anyway because i'm dying my hair pink today lol

Anyhoo I have some things i must do before i go to get my hair did. Cheers beautiful people

Peace and Blessings

Soo soo tired.

I don't really have the energy to write an entry today. I'm poooooped. I never got home until 5:30 this morning. Not that i'm complaining. I had an awesome time..:) anyhoo thats all you get. I'm tired. I'm going to bed.. Here's some song lyrics.. interpret how you wish. I'm sick of dwelling on this. You know who this is for.

"Take It All Away"
So much beauty in life
Shining on the outside
Empty on the inside
I get lost sometimes
Blinded by the flashing lights
Distractions always in my eyes
So i'm following the sound,
the sound of my heart
Beating

[chorus]
You can take it all away
I don't need it Underneath,
i'll still be the same
You can take it all away
I don't need it, it's not me
You can take it all, take it all away
I'll still be the same
Are you hiding still?
Don't you want to love yourself?
Don't you know that someone will?
Time can turn it around
Leave it all and strip it down
That's the only way to find it out
Are you following the sound,
the sound of your heart?
Beating

[chorus]

Coming in with nothing,
leaving with the same
It's all inside
Coming in with nothing,
the only thing that saves
Is here inside

[chorus]

" Set yourself Apart from this Corupt Generation" - Pope John Paul II

First off I would like to say I had a horrible nights sleep. I went to bed like 10:30 and Evan woke me up sometime after 2 I believe and I chatted until after 4. I think I may have had a hand in upsetting Evan and for that I'm sorry.
I was glued to CNN most of the night. That channel is addicting. Obviously anyone who has turned on a TV in the last two days has known the Pope has not been in great condition and this was the story I have been following. I never realized how amazing the Popes life has been. Born Poor. His mother deied when he was 9.. his father just a few years after his mother passed away. He was hit by a truck, not once, twice ( also the reason he has that stooped appearance, which I had always acreditied to his age), and he actually studied acting for a short period of time before he entered the Preist hood. Then going through all those steps to become Pope and being shot! That is one eventful life ladies and gentleman! The quote in my title is something I heard him say in a clip last night and I think its something to live by. Very Inspiring. Although right now the Pope has not been pronounced dead I will say this. Rest in Peace your Holiness.
On a completely different topic I had the weirdest dream last night that actually has put a real damper on my mood today. I dreamed that I was in Michael Wiffin's ( I know weird already) shed and I was soo stressed out about the past few months. and he offered me a joint. anyone who knows me knows that because of Charlie I have made a solemn promise to myself never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever even so much as try a drug. But in my dream i took this massive joint and smoked the whole things really fast. And i felt absolutely wonderful. The best I've felt since.. well i'll leave that part out. So i was sitting at this table laughing and giggling. and they all decided to go for a walk. so one chick that was with us forgot her boots or something so we waited in the driveway for her.. and i was standing there and it had all hit me what I had done. I broke the most important promise I've ever made to myself. and i just fell to the ground crying. I disappointed myself beyond belief. I've never, ever felt so bad in my life. Dream or not. I never want to disappoint myself like that. I want to make sure nothing like what happened to Chuck ever happens to me. I'm really in a terrible mood because of this. :(
Anyhoo I think I'm gonna go get a shower.. Perhaps go laptop shopping today .. Again.. If i did upset you last night .. I'm sorry

Peace and Blessings

Quote of the Week

Evan Says
"I wish I could just Pee myself and Call It a day"

What a revelation..

100 things about me.

So I was just reading some other blogs.. and I seen this one where some girls listed off 100 random things about herself, I thought what a fun idea! So here goes.. I wonder how long this will take...
1. My Name is Rhonda
2. I'm 19 years old
3. My birthday is Oct. 28th, 1985
4. My 19th Birthday was the best yet
5. despite the 3 day hangover
6. I trust my life with 4 people
7. Ashleigh, Kayla, Murrdogg, Stefan
8. I probably have the worst luck with guys out of all of my friends
9. Its prolly because I trust people too easily
10. My favorite place on eath is London, England
11. Some of the greatest people on earth live there
12. Namely Roxy
13. Pink is my fave color.
14. I've had the same best friend for 15 years
15. I'm eating a chocolate covered strawberry
16. I've been in love with two different people. Despite arguments i may get.
17. Kelly Clarkson is my favorite singer
18. I seen the Independant tour ( Kelly and Clay aiken) March 8th, 2004 in Worcester Mass.
19. I have 18 plaques on my wall
20. Most of them are for public speaking
21. One is for Volunteer of the Year
22. Another for theatre.
23. I love unicorns.
24. Dyke nights make my week.
25. I have an unhealthy obession with MSN that i wish i could kick
26. I drive a red 2003 sunfire
27. I used to drive an 89 sunbird
28. Its name was putt putt
29. My biggest fear is dying alone and not being found
30. I have a very strong faith in God
31. I thank God every night for everything he has given me and everything he has denied me
32. i believe everything happens for a reason
33. I believe in myself
34. I believe in ghosts
35. I believe in Fairy's
36. I am the princess of ghetto booty
37. I really dislike my eyes
38. I'm completely happy with my body right now
39. I weigh less than i ever have in my semi adult life right now
40. I wear contacts
41. I hate wearing glasses
42. I used to have winnie the pooh murals painted on my walls until mid 2004
43. I'm a scorpio
44. I have a scorpio personality
45. Kayla is beating me in our contest by 1
46. I'm a very cheap drunk
47. I own a really cool seatbelt-belt
48. My fave show as a kid was Mr. Dressup
49. I have two tattoos
50. My first i got in honour of all my friends from the UK
51. My second I got to remember my fave thing about high school
52. I have plans to get two more tattoo's
53. I have both my ears pierced twice
54. I have an older sister
55. We don't get a long
56. I don't have a great relationship with my parents either.
57. I've never heard either of my parents even utter the word sex
58. My longest relationship was 3 years
59. Him and I are still great friends
60. My favorite song is "Sundown" By Gordon Lightfoot
61. I love to sing
62. Besides drunken Kareokee I haven't sung in public since prom
63. I graduated in 2003
64. My favorite number is 18
65. I love the smell of peaches
66. I think the safest place is inside someones hug
67. I have a really hard time letting go sometimes
68. I rarely feel special
69. The people who have made me feel special are the ones who let me down the most
70. I'm scared of the idea of marriage
71. I love the idea of a wedding
72. Someday I want to have four children
73. If it wasn't for the fact that i have a hereditary disease I'd think i was adopted
74. I love Itialian food
75. My idea of a perfect date is a walk through the park in the moonlight
76. I've had over 30 suguries.
77. I love taking pictures
78. I love Dora the Explorer
79. I miss my grand mother more than i could ever explain in words
80. My friends were right that summer they told me I had an eating problem
81. The one person i don't think i could forget if i tried is Charlie LaCosta
82. I was the Goulds Winter Carnival Queen in 2001
83. The people who promise they'll never hurt me are usually the ones who hurt me the worst
84. Sometimes I like to think my life is a musical
85. I loved working at a day camp
86. The best advice i've ever gotten was to picture myself as a cup
87. I like to make people feel better about themselves
88. I believe you should make yourself a blessing to someone
89. And that the hardest thing to realize is something other than yourself is real
90. I hold onto silly things for silly reasons sometimes
91. The nicest simple thing I remember someone doing for me is giving me their jacket in the cold
92. I hate when people spend money on me
93. I love the smell of boys
94. I like to make scrapbooks
95. Sometimes I wish I had bigger boobs
96. I love to swim
97. I owe my life to a woman named Tamara Wesberry
98. I've never met her
99. The most influential person in my life is myself
100. I want everyone to leave 10 things about themselves in my comments

Wow

Last night i experienced the weirdest thing. For once.. I was the odd wheel. I mean ever. Like I have always been involved with someone when my friends were. and anytime i wasn't i had single friends around too. But last night i sat down and realized.. hey I'm alone. and I went outside.. and I was still alone. It was just very weird for me. I guess i just don't have a lot of experience with being single. For the past 4 years i've been associated with someone in some way. Its just different for me to be completely on my own. Not that its a bad thing. its something i have to get used to. Just different. It just kinda hit me hard last night. Ok seriously guys. No more alcohol for me for awhile ok? anyway thats the only update i have right now. I'm off to find something to do tonight..

Peace and Blessings!

"Rhonda are *YOU* Going to the gym?!"

Thought i would start off this entry on a bit of a lighter note (actually maybe i mean heavier.. :P) So yesterday I went to school to go to the GYm with Kayla and Murrdogg. So Kayla and I were waiting for Murr in the library and we ran into heather.. When we got up to leave heather asked where we were going.. Kayla said the gym.. and heather said with much shock and awe "Rhonda... Are YOU going to the gym?!" .. I mean i'm not really THAT out of shape am I? Haha .. Should I be in bed washing myself with a rag on a stick? haha I love you Heather. I'm actually quite happy with my body right now... I mean i bought a two piece swim suit.. a bikini! ME!
WE actually went swimming the other night ( Ash Kayla and I) and you'll never guess what was floating in the *poo*l.. it was pretty crappy.. Yeah thats right.. POOP! Ewwwwwwww .. lets comprehend this for a second people.. feces was expelled from someones body and into the water we were swimming in.. thats like swimming in a toilet!! It was gross. I'm really glad i'm back into swimming though.. I really miss it.
So tonight I started going through all my millions upon millions of pictures tonight.. trying to somewhat organize them and the like. I found some really cute one of when i was a baby.. and some rather unflatterng ones from my early years... Why wasn't I beat up when I was a kid..? God i realize why i was so fat.. I was hoping to hide that face behind my obesity.. do I look like that now? would you guys tell me if i did?
Hmm what else can I talk about.. oooh tomorrow I am going to get Actupuncture done on my back.. Hopefully this will help some because I mean really 6 years later and i'm still have complications.. there has to be something I can do.. ? hmm i guess i'll have to let you know how that one goes..
Anyhoo I really can't think of anything else to talk about without complaining.. lol so its been a slice..

Peace and Blessings..
Rhonda

I can't think of a title..

I don't even remember making that last post.. wow. Never should have gone to Peddlers the other night thats for sure. But you have to face everything sometime I suppose... Can't say I didn't think about him every second I was there though.. especially over by the bar... I wonder if he even remembers that? anyway.. i don't really have a lot to write. Only to admit that I've been in complete denial of my feelings over the past few weeks to everyone.. I'm back at square one. I'll leave you with some song lyrics.

Could it be any harder?
You left me with goodbye and open arms
A cut so deep I don't deserve
You were always invincible in my eyes
the only thing against us now is time
[Chorus:] Could it be any harder to say goodbye and without you,
Could it be any harder to watch you go,
to face what's true
If I only had one more day
I lie down and blind myself with laughter
A quick fix of hope is what I'm needing
And now i wish that i could turn back the hours
But i know i just don't have the power
[Chorus]
I'd jump at the chance
We'd drink and we'd dance
And I'd listen close to your every word,
As if its your last, I know its your last,
Cause today, oh, you're gone
[Chorus]
Like sand on my feet
The smell of sweet perfume
You stick to me forever,
baby and I wish you didn't go,
I wish you didn't go
I wish you didn't go away
To touch you again,
With life in your hands
It couldn't be any harder

Backsteert boys

cso withou you all i'm gonan be is.. incoelte... I mssi you .. nogthign has cnahgend.. not matetr ho mcuh i dent it.. ...

oeace and vlessng//
rhonda.. she lmosees you

Finally!

Well Ladies and Gentlemen.. I finally applied and got accepted to a faculty *takes a bow* I'm now offically an English Major - Sociology Minor. woohoo! Rhonda made a decision! I went through a rough few weeks.. but in a moment of sheer drunkeness i came to an amazing revelation. Its a lil too personal to post here so anyone who would like to know what my discovery was .. please feel free to ask. I really have the most amazing awesome increible unbelievable friends a girl could ever ask for. Its true that only in the face of sadness is when you truly see who means the most. I can't say i still don't get sad sometimes.. but its bareable and I have some really cool people to hang around with and make me realize that just because i'm not special to one person doesn't mean i'm not special to others. Its time for Rhonda to be a lil selfish now i think.. I don't remember a time i only worried about myself. Even when i was single this summer i still worried about other people. And i really am rethinking the whole lesbian thing hehe Ok I realize all guys aren't out to hurt me.. seems to be just the ones i chose to get involved with lol I know there are nice guys out there.. and i really hope to get to know some of them better while i'm still kinda confused about what i want in my right life right now. At least i have igured out what i don't need in my life.. right? Anyway i know its a short update but i wanna take a nap.. going to Doolys tonight for the big brothers/big sisters fundraiser :) Tootles!

Peace and Blessings!

A Little of What's Going on.

These past few days have been by far the toughest I've ever had to go through. Its not just one thing. It just snowballed on me. First off and by far the *most* painful Ricardo broke up with me for a reason I have yet to understand. But again thats not somehting to be discussed here. Then yet another plan for my education crumbled around my feet. Then a guy from my past who I had hoped and prayed I would never see again came back and is trying to be a aprt of my life again.. not something i'm ready for. Tomorrow I also face a very crutial doctors appointment. On top of all that I have friend and family issues that I really have no idea how to face.
Up until less than a week ago I thought I was really on top of the world. I had never been happier in my life. It was all I could do not to smile... and today I couldn't even smile at something that cracked me up completely two weeks ago. I've really been through my share of crap over the past few months and I really thought it was all over. I thought my life was finally looking up again.. and I can't believe everything is in pieces around me agian...

Another of my little pieces of writing

Once I Thought I Could Fly

Once.. on a cold fall night.. I thought I grew wings. I stood close to you, and you smiled at me. You lead me to believe you loved me. I've been hurt countless times before. I gave my heart away and it was abused. bad. You were different. I knew I shouldn't have fallen for it.. but I did. I thought those wings would let me fly.. and I jumped.. Now I'm falling. I see the ground fast approaching. I know you're near by... and i need you to catch me.. but will you? Am I worth saving.. or will you let me crash into the ground? You're still flying in my mind..but where have my wings gone?

Vomit Tastes Like Cheez Whiz Toast.. and Other Tragedy's

I'm not going to get too much into this here. Its not the place for it. But just so I don't have to answer anymore questions.. last night Ricardo broke up with me. Does anyone have any scotch tape? I need to fix my broken heart. Nothing has ever made me feel so bad and broken up before.. and i've been through some pretty shitty things... believe me. But you know what they say... and if you don't.. too bad. Thats what I have to do.

Peace and Blessings

Why The Move? And Other Buisness.

Seems I have been getting some weird messages from people who are accusing me of being something i'm obviously not. So i decided I would move my blog and not give the person i suspected it to be the address to see if it goes away. That being said.. if you're reading this now.. its not you :)
So i Haven't made a apost in awhile. I apologize for that. Been that time of year again when we start having midterms. They ones i've had thus far haven't been that bad so i can't complain. HOwever i will complain now. because its what I do best. I have to go to not one.. but two different doctors today. And anyone who knows me knows one of them is among my greatest fears. I Have to go to the dentist today. Usually its not so bad because i get gased, but today i have to drive myself .. so i can't get gased. And i have to go to the eye doctor right after :( i'm pertrified. My tummy is doing flipity flops :( Anyway i shouldn't really be talking about it because it only makes it worse.
I applied to go back working at the rec centre today for this summer. Only difference is i finally applied for the coordinator postion. I mean i've worked there just as long as anyone else thats on staff now.. day camp for three years. Who knows the job better than me. My first year there i was basically sitting there with Roc doing the work with her. Iknow what I'm doing. I realllly hpe i get this job. God this summer would be AWESOME then. I love camp and i just wanna help make it better.. (did that sound as dorky as i preceive it?)
Anyway I really don't have that much more to say. I have to go get ready to go anyway :( uggh i'll let you know how it went! Thanks for reading guys!

Peace and Blessings

I really want you Guys to do this.

I Really want everyone to copy and paste this into my comments and fill it out. If you're my friend you'll do it.. *pout*
WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF:
I committed suicide:
I said I liked you:
I kissed you:
I lived next door to you:
I started smoking:
I stole something:
I was hospitalized:
I ran away from home:
I got into a fight and you weren't there:
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY:
Personality:
Eyes:
Face:
Hair:
Clothes:
Mannerisms:
[1] Who are you?
[2] Are we friends?
[3] When and how did we meet?
[4] How have I affected you?
[5] What do you think of me?
[6] What's the fondest memory you have of me?
[7] How long do you think we will be friends or enemies?
[8] Do you love me?
[9] Have I ever hurt you?
[10] Would you hug me?
[11] Would you kiss me?
[12] Would you fuck me?
[13] Are we close?
[14] Emotionally, what stands out?
[15] Do you wish I was cooler?
[16] On a scale of 1-10, how nice am I?
[17] Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
[18] Am I loveable?
[19] How long have you known me?
[20] Describe me in one word.
[21] What was your first impression?
[22] Do you still think that way about me now?
[23] What do you think my weakness is?
[24] Do you think I'll get married?
[25] What about me makes you happy?
[26] What about me makes you sad?
[27] What reminds you of me?
[28] What's something you would change about me?
[29] How well do you know me?
[30] Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
[31] Do you think I would kill someone?
[32] Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you?

Back to School

I've now finished my second week back for my second year of MUN. I really missed school. I know i complian that i don't wanna get up and i don't wanna go but at least now i feel like i'm doing something productive with my life. I mean you don't get much satisfaction from changing a dirty diaper at the end of the day. But you do when you learn in Sexual Behaviour that God hates you because you enjoy the sex you have. What a crazy class! My anthro class is really cool too. i really enjoy that class a lot. Sociology is pretty cool. night classes aren't tat bad at all. and I get to see Ricardo pretty often cos i'm always out in town :) Ok i refuse to make this another entry all about Ricardo (sorry hun :P)
So we had this massive snow storm yesterday. There are pretty close to a million feet of snow outside my door. actually its more like 7.. cos its waaay ovr my head. Thats a lot of snow cnsidering i could see the grass on friday. Its a drift though.. we didn't actually get 7 feet of snow.. closer to 3 i would say lol pffft and i was supposed to go out last night too. Friday night i got to go out though. Ricardo and Me and Ashleigh and Steven and Kayla and Murrdogg all went to Doolys. Twas fun times. but Ricardo was looking at Murrdoggs butt.. and those other girls at the other table.. but i can't blame ...steven was looking too lol and he's OPRAH! and a lil barbra walters too.. in kaylas words.. he has a way of geting the truth out of you and making you cry!
well i think i'll go hop in the shower now and get ready for my day.. i think i have to get the bus to Ricardo's.. *groan*

Peace and Blessings!

2005 :)

It may have taken 5 and a half hours.. but today i realized it was 2005.. after looking at the notebook of the girl next to me in my sexual behaviour class. Where in the name of God did 2004 go? the year was seriously a blurr. I've had a great 2005 so far though. Ringing in the new year was absolutley awesome. I went to Barkleys with Ashleigh Steven Kayla Murrdogg and Ricardo, we met up with a bunch of people over there. I had quite the midnight kiss :) I spent alot of the first week of 2005 out to Ricardo's place... as i hate being in my house and his room mates were still out of town. he made me supper last wednesday night. It was soo sweet and sooo good. I'm seriously waiting for something to go wrong.. things just aren't supposed to be this great!
I started back to MUN today too. I have a hellfully long break. I have one class at 9-10:15 and another at 3:30 on tuesdays and thursdays! Its crazy! luckily on tuesdays Ricardo has a complimenting two hour break so i get to go visit him :) however thursdays will be hellish! i feel i'm gonna get a lot of reading done this semester! I read A Child Called It for the 5th time today! awesome book! i also got to take a nap today too! lol i'm still bloody tired though.
I got to see Phantom last night finally last night too. That play/movie is frigging Orgasmic! I could seriously get off just listening to the music! WOW.. just WOW.
well i guess i should go try and find something productive with the rest of my night. :)



LEAVE COMMENTS!!!!!!!!

Peace and Blessings :)

So here finally my friends you get to see the much talked about couple :) This is me and *MY* Ricardo :)

Me :)

Take the 100 Acre Personality Quiz!

Do this quiz and post your results in my comments! I love pooh!!
http://quizme.stvlive.com/poohpersonality/quiz.php

I know itys a bit early to do this with a week left to the year but i figure most of the next week i'll be busy and i shant have time to reveiw my year for my loyal readers :)

The easies way for me to do this is in seasons.

This year started out rather drearily. I spent New years home alone as i had broken up with stefan at the time and i spent time at a party full of couples. the breakup, however only lasted a few days and we got back together. I continued going to Mun but decided half way through my winter semester i didn't want to go back and that i was going to apply for a school in BC to do a communications degree.

In the spring I got a job working at my old high school as a tutor. Definatly a fun job. I got paid for doing a whole lot of nothing. it was quite fun. The end of the spring i also broke up with stefan for a second and final time. after three years of going out it was finally over. it was sad but we both know it was best. I also started hanging out with Sean at this point because i had been tutoring him at school.

This lil piece of writing best describes my summer so i just decided to quote this from my journal
One would say , on the outside looking in : Rhonda you lead a pretty screwed up life. And in most cases its true. I broke up with my b/f of three years to persue things i thought were beyond my grasp with him. I've decided on a whim that i would quit going to school here in my home province to aquire a degree i know very little about in a province where i barely know a soul and use my spare time hanging out with a guy whom i totally dig but really doesn't care about my existence when i'm not around. Yeah i can see how from the outside that would look strange. But oddly enough i am perfectly happy. For the first time , in a long time, i feel like i am in control of my own destiny. I am thinking and acting solely for myself. I know that sounds selfish , but for me its a rare occurance. I find myself constantly smiling about nothing and have discovered a new confidence i didn't even know i pocessed.However being completely taken for granted by this guy that I obviously have interest in does damper my mood every now and then. Sure from the outside looking in I do live a pretty screwed up life. But from the inside looking out i see a bright future ahead of me and a strong force pushing me to succeed.

Then in the fall i turned 19 while my parents were in Panama. Dear God i am lucky i only have one 19th birthday. Three day hangovers are not fun. In November i found out i wouldn't be attending school like i had planned.. but god opened a window and i met Ricardo :) I've spent the last month in the greatest relationship with the most wonderful guy in the whole world. someone who loves me and appreciates me. Something i didn't think could happen again... So even though the year started off pretty crappy its gradually gotten better and now i'm happier than i have been all year long. So Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you and Yours loyal readers. Thank you for being my friends, my family and my pick me ups in 2004 and i look forward to 2005 with my awesome friends and wonderful boyfriend.

**EDIT** I also worked with Erin this summer and it was hot! we talked about Sex.. A LOT! ( Happy Erin? LOL)

Peace and Blessings!

(don't drink and drive!!)

In response

Ok seems i have lost the comments from my page as i have updated how comments are recived. I would however still like to address the individual who in a previous comment, has accused me of using people. I feel there has been some type of miscommunication and i ask this person , who chose to remin annymous, to contact me so we can figure this whole situation out. I don't think i have used anyone and i apologize if i have made you , or someone you know feel this way. I'd like to think i'm a fair person and I hate to think someone out there is thinking ill of me for something i obviously did not even realize i was doing. I ask this person to please comment and tell when i have done or contact me via MSN, phone, or hey .. just come up and talk to me. Again i'm sure this is just a complete misunderstanding, because as anyone can tell you i am not in any way a malicious person and I try to be kind to everyone. again i'm very sorry. please get in touch with me so we can sort this mess out

Peace and Blessings!

Mood: Tired Music:When Doves Cry

Ok so its been roughly three weeks since i got my tonsils out. things are pretty much back to normal. i'm still a lil limited as to what i can eat but thats by choice because some things still hurt. I'm allowed out and about , driving and all as per usual. Wednesday I left the docs office dropped my mom home and went straight to Ricardo's .. I got there like 9:30am and he was still in bed. not that he or I complained about the situation.. hehe but that requires a journal with a different subject matter. haha My boy is gone home for christmas now and I miss him very much. Its amazing how attached you can get to a guy in such a short period of time... never thought it could happen. Espcially since i was so dead set against getting into a relationship again. But i guess when everything fell through with me going to BC in january it was like God was opening a window for me. I'm really lucky to have such a great guy who makes me feel so special.... has anyone else noticed that my posts have been focused solely on Ricardo lately? haha
Christmas is also next weekend. I'm not overly excited at all. I have absolutely no idea what i'm getting.. which is weird.. i usually do. But this year i have absolutely no desire to know what i have either. I dunno .. since i stopped believing in Santa and more recently since my Grandfather died 3 years ago it just hasn't been the same at all Christmas just seems to go by like any other day with the exception that i dress better lol. maybe i'm just being a scrooge. But really I'm the second youngest in my extended family .. so i mean the spirit of Santa and all that crap is gone and my family doesn't appreciate the true meaning of christmas like I do.. its weird i guess.
So this is what has become my weekly posting ritual. I promise to try and get better. I mean i've missed out on posting great things like when I fell ( or as i like to call it jumping without such a graceful landing) off the stage at benders or when i finally told David Guiney how i really feel about him. Oh well i'll have to save that for another entry. But right now i'll just focus on going to bed! Goodnight loyal readers

Peace and Blessings :)

P.S. to the person that left the comment on my other entry please see my reply?

This is something some people have been asking for.

As a lot of people know and a lot of people still don;t know i keep a journal at home of my thoughts and feelings, I write them in many different forms.. sometimes songs poem short essays or just lil descriptive paragraphs. I have had some requests to see this writing but as you can appreicate i'm not too comfortable sharing my inner most thoughts and desires. however i decided to share just one entry i wrote earlier this summer when i decided i wasn't going to return to MUN like most of my peers.

Have you ever felt like you were walking aimlessly through shadows and tangled knots of uncertainty? Never sure of how to reach your destination? Always questioning the direction of every step you take? Completely oblivious to anything your future may hold? I chose to throw the life plan everyone else had decided on for me out the window and choose my own path in life and now I feel lost. I am sure of my destination but completely and utterly insecure about the journey. But I refuse to let anyone take my hand and lead me to a safe place where I am unhappy about my life and my choices. I will venture into the deep forest of ambiguity alone and triumph when I reach the other side as the woman I want to be.

All this time and no update!

So i've been in my house pretty close to two weeks now. I'm going insane. My only relief is when my friends breifly come to visit me. Ricardo has been in to see me twice. God love him. He was here yesterday and i swear it was as good as a day out of this house. I have so much fun with him. He's great. I can't believe how lucky I am that he chose me :)
My Tonsils ( or lack there of) are feeling much better. I can swallow without much difficulty ( haha i see Erin cracking up at that comment) and i'm on pretty solid foods although i can't eat much because i haven't eaten a whole lot since the 30th. Maybe enough for three days of full healthy meals. But i'm slowly getting better and its only 2 more sleeps until i'm alloed out of the house for my work christmas thingy down to the delta. Brunch mmm. Hey.. wait.. I can't eat brunch! this sucks! lol At least i'll look sexy! hehe and i get to go to Ricardo's for a lil while after sooo yaaaaaaaaaaaaay hehe! I can't wait to see him again!
Anyway I don;t have much else to write because frankly i've done nothing for two weeks. But I figured i should just keep my loyal audience updated. so COMMENT PEOPLE!!!! THIS MEANS YOU! *points finger*

Peace and Blessings! :)

Today's Breakthrough

Well yesterday I fought alot to eat anything. This Morning i am kicking foods butt! I had a whole bowl of tim hortons soup. now mind you i didn;t eat the chicken or the veggies cos thats hard and i can't get that stuff down yet. but i did eat all the juice and noodles. it was sooo yummy. soo much better than baby food! Mom said i can have more soup for my supper if i want it! god knows i don't want any more baby food! lol I did have a lil but of mashed potato last night though. That was good too.

I'm really sad i don't get to go to the family christmas party this year. I was thinking about it earlier. That sucks. Oh well at least i still get to go to brunch with the crowd from day care. I love those guys! thats next weekend. i should be ok to go by then. i won't be able to drive but i'll be able to eat a lil more than i am now. Anyway i'm gonna go take a shower cos i'm dirty. maybe put on some real clothes as people have said they're gonna come see me today! yaaay!

Peace and Blessings!

It starts.

I got my tonsils out yesterday. I have to say it was the most fun I've EVER had... this my friends is called sarcasim. I want to be shot in the foot to get my mind off the pain my throat. I'm sitting here in bed trying to struggle down some watered down baby food and it feels like millions of tiny razor blades scraping their way down my espohogus. I woke up 2:30 this morning to take some meds and i was in so much pain i just couldn't sleep. Thank God for me and Roxy's sex talks. LOL famous quote of the week

Roxy: Rhonda is good at hiding it, but when the time comes she's good at riding it!

Haha I love you Roxy. Thanks for keeping me occupied this morning when I felt so craptacular. The only question is now what do i do for the next two weeks. I'm not allowed to drive until the 15th. which i normally wouldn't complain about because i hate driving but when my b/f lives so close yet so far it really makes me mad. I wanna see Ricardo now!! I wanna scream! the only thing that hurts more than eating is talking! i've been usuing my computer as communication. Typing on word what i want to say to my parents or the msgs i want them to relay on the phone for me. It really sucks. esp if you know me and know how much i loooove to talk. Talking is what supported me all through high school. now.. nothing. I have no idea how long it will be before i can talk properly. I know one thing.. when you look back inmy mouth it looks so empty.. i wonder how much i can fit back there LOL anyway i should go try to struggle more baby food down. yukkkkk. shoot me please. Anyone feel free to come see me. Just call first so i look decent. you know where to find me. In bed. LOL

Peace and Blessings